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by gus
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[Buddha]

Author Topic: [Q&A] The Bane of Social Media & Giving up bad friends  (Read 376 times)

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Offline Johann

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[Q&A] The Bane of Social Media & Giving up bad friends
« on: October 19, 2017, 01:53:17 AM »
The Bane of Social Media ("Giving up bad friends": see next post )

Quote from: Eggman, on BSE
The Bane of Social Media

I looked up 'social media' in the questions, but didn't find an answer precise enough for my inquiry. Basically, I came to the conclusion that 1) social media fragments attention drastically by multitasking and unawareness, and 2) it is extremely addictive, perhaps for that precise reason.

Thus, I ask what is likely cause, effect, and remedy linked with social media. What fuels social media use? What effects does its use have? What are the best ways to deal with this addictive medium? And finally, is it possible to tackle this addiction without alleviating it with the natural drive to socialize?

Thank you.

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person tries to answer this question. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,

 *sgift*

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

(This is a maybe modified and expanded answer of the "original" that can be found here .)



Eggman and those interested,

A general answer, which goes deep and shows also it's root, can be found in Methuna Sutta: The Discourse on Coupling : Brahma/Abrahmecariya. It's simply a matter of desire of be coming and on most networks just a maintaining with sensual pleasures, just have the purpose of "sex" or unifcation and is at large for the most time unskillful entertaining of the mind.

In regard of developing right mindfulness the Buddha counted six things which should be avoided, yet the main reason why one joins social networks (AN 6.118):

- Lust for bodily work,
- Lust for chatter,
- Lust for sleep,
- Lust for conviviality,
- Unguarded sense-doors,
- Crapulousness in eating.

So it's clear that he did not encourage much to normal social gatherings, aside of teaching, hearing and discussing the Dhamma, for good foods purpose:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa


Humans not restrained in sensuality, (after) honour, and do the wrong thing. Acting on interest (greed), anger and fear, they are (engaged in) the defiled gathering. The recluse who knows has said, Great Men should be praised,

Established in the Teaching, they never do evil. They do not act through interest, anger or fear,

That is said to be the cream of a gathering.

Nevertheless, like food is used to overcome desire for food, so is it with socialicing. And:

It's not so that one should abound such generally first, but at least, that what is called:
Sangama [fr. saŋ+gam] 1. meeting, intercourse, association Sn 681; J ii.42; iii.488; v.483. -- 2. sexual intercourse M i.407; J iv.106.

The "with whom and for what purpose" is like most that what needs to be understood clearly.

A person tended to Dhamma and liberation will not be found on ordinary, wordily social medias by nature, but would seek for association with Noble Ones or those following them. Places which are not really frequented by many.

My person gave a extanded talk on Sangama, yet it is in German: Socialicing - សង្គម [Sangama] , which conserns actually much on this topic generally.

One might now think that "buddhist" Forums and Networks are different. That is not the case. Nearly all those places and Networks, since mostly also householder undertakings, or gatherings of monks seeking for unification and gain, are nothing else as places for low kinds of coupling, entertainment, trade, nourishment of sensual pleasure and becoming, identify.

If someone, in the way of serving, helping, assisting those with noble inspiration, with tendency to Nibbana, seeks of relation with them, seeks for much as possible assosiation, this would be the reason why it can be expected, that such a person soon might develope right view and progress on the path. One who is after assosiation with admirable people and serves for that, walks an auspicious way.

So one is wise if only join places and communities where good deeds are in action practiced and to possible avoid places of consumery, of what even many "buddhist" place are, just charing and eating food (most from third, without any estimate ir obligation) and non of virtues visible.

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

"What is good friendship ?

"Herein, Vyagghapajja, in whatsoever village or market town a householder dwells, he associates, converses, engages in discussions with householders or householders' sons, whether young and highly cultured or old and highly cultured, full of faith (saddha),[4] full of virtue (sila), full of charity (caga), full of wisdom (pañña). He acts in accordance with the faith of the faithful, with the virtue of the virtuous, with the charity of the charitable, with the wisdom of the wise. This is called good friendship.
.
...

[Kapadika Bharadvaja:] "To what extent is there an awakening to the truth ? To what extent does one awaken to the truth? We ask Master Gotama about awakening to the truth."

[The Buddha:] "There is the case, Bharadvaja, where a monk lives in dependence on a certain village or town. Then a householder or householder's son goes to him and observes him with regard to three mental qualities — qualities based on greed, qualities based on aversion, qualities based on delusion: 'Are there in this venerable one any such qualities based on greed that, with his mind overcome by these qualities, he might say, "I know," while not knowing, or say, "I see," while not seeing; or that he might urge another to act in a way that was for his/her long-term harm & pain?' As he observes him, he comes to know, 'There are in this venerable one no such qualities based on greed... His bodily behavior & verbal behavior are those of one not greedy. And the Dhamma he teaches is deep, hard to see, hard to realize, tranquil, refined, beyond the scope of conjecture, subtle, to-be-experienced by the wise. This Dhamma can't easily be taught by a person who's greedy.[/dquote]

So one should understand rightly the meaning of

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

Seclusion

"It's through living together that a person's virtue may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

"It's through trading with a person that his purity may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

"It's through adversity that a person's endurance may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

"It's through discussion that a person's discernment may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning."

Here one sees that it is required to assosiate and people who do not let others take part in all ways of their life indicate that they are not only stinge but may have reason to hide their certain secrets.

If one seriously like to make progress, food-places, shows, entertaining, e.g. common social networks (this incl. common "Buddhist" net works) need to be avoided, and one should not think "oh, look, this monks use it also, so it might be not that bad" since when seeing monks on social networks, it's a clear sign that such person might wear a rob but by heart had not left home at all, is - if good - simply a "cook" .

Since it all is a matter of accumulating debts in this or that way, it's wise to look to whom on does increase debts for his/her entertaining, livelihood of mind. Some words on it may help: Debts, but to whom?

If one is not really blessed, not having good protection yet, one would be wise to activily seek for such protection:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

Many devas and human beings
give thought to protection,
desiring well-being.
Tell, then, the highest protection.

The Buddha:

Not consorting with fools,
consorting with the wise,
paying homage to those worthy of homage:
This is the highest protection.
...

Respect, humility,
contentment, gratitude,
hearing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection.

Patience, compliance,
seeing contemplatives,
discussing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection...

Since just translating, as the mechanic of "gifts" and "debts", to (be)come again and again:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa


The manifold stresses
  that come into play in the world,
  come from acquisition as their cause.
  Anyone not knowing [this]
  creates acquisition.
  The fool, he comes to stress
      again & again.
  Therefore, discerning [this],
  you shouldn't create acquisition
  as you contemplate birth
  as what brings stress
      into play.
Quote from: Dualities

This is why one should best only leave Seclusion just for the sake of giving, and its good that if doing so not even reputations should be accumulated, sharing what ever merits so that the fine grasping after gain get more and more tiny and possible will fade.

If you just go out for feeding and entertainment of unskillful mind states, what will you gain aside that the ability of staying secluded, independent, free, will more and more fade away? Beware of Mara, he is very strong this days, and best if possible cut of from ordinary social net works quick.

Anumodana!
« Last Edit: October 19, 2017, 02:16:22 AM by Johann »
This post and Content has come to be by Dhamma-Dana and so is given as it       Dhamma-Dana: Johann

Offline Johann

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[Q&A] Giving up bad friends
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2017, 02:12:09 AM »
Since very related to the first question:

Giving up bad friends

Quote from: Konrad on BSE
Giving up bad friends

The Buddha has spoken many times about giving up bad friends, we can find it in the Dhammapada, in the beautiful Maha Mangala Sutta and many other places.

My first point is: If we abandon bad friends, how will they improve? What role compassion plays here?

My second point is: It is very hard these days to completely abandon bad friends, we have social networks, professional networks, smartphones etc., we are connected like never before, it is very hard for a lay person to live only with good friends around, except if maybe he/she becomes a recluse, so what should one do? Just set limits?

("Original" of the answer can be found here .)

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

Konrad and those interested,

of course the path is not easy to do and it consists of letting go for long term benefit. The good in regard of this path is, that it actually benefits not only oneself but also all others, which therefore includes your bad "friends" as well.

As even the Bodhisatta, having free one wish, wished:

Quote
Once, when the Bodhisat was born as a man called Akitti Pandita, the King of Devas promised to grant him any boon he asked. Akitti Pandita begged that he might never meet, see or talk with fools. The King of Devas was surprised and asked him the reason for this strange request. Replying, he explained that fools or the unwise ones i.e. people who do not understand discipline, always lead their friends to bad ways and teach them to do wrong, because they do not know the right way them selves. If discipline or good ways are spoken in their presence, they become angry, for they cannot understand, they lose their temper and quarrels arise. If discipline or good ways are spoken in their presence, they become angry, for they do not understand them. Therefore he prayed that he might never speak, meet or come in contact with fools.

Mangala Suta-Uannana

Once possible firm in Dhamma, having become good independent, one may, if seeing benefit and having possibility, return to "bad friend" and maybe help them further, occationaly. It's also then no more possible to stay under "bad" friends for longer time. For now, like suggested in the airoplanes, adult should take on the emergency mask first.

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"Bhikkhus, the misery from the decrease of relations is nothing in comparison to the decrease of wisdom. Bhikkhus, of decreases the decrease in wisdom is miserable.

"Bhikkhus, the increase of relations is nothing in comparison to increase of wisdom. Therefore you should train, we will increase in wisdom.

As the Buddha told, if not finding people better or equal in regard of real treasures, it's better to walk alone.

For more and detail, this links may maybe provide a lot of satisfaction and clearance:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."[1]

"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.
Quote from: Upaddha Sutta

[Note: This is a gift of Dhamma, not meant for commercial purpose or other low wordily gains by means of trade and exchange]

Anumodana!
This post and Content has come to be by Dhamma-Dana and so is given as it       Dhamma-Dana: Johann

Tags:
 

Plauderbox

 

Moritz

October 22, 2018, 06:42:41 PM
May Bhante have a peaceful evening/night.
_/\_
 

Johann

October 22, 2018, 05:49:48 PM
Nyom Moritz
 

Moritz

October 22, 2018, 05:48:48 PM
Vandami Bhante _/\_
 

Johann

October 22, 2018, 09:00:29 AM
Nyom Roman.
 

Johann

October 20, 2018, 02:52:14 AM
Atma leaves for alms round, Nyom Villa.
 

Johann

October 17, 2018, 06:01:23 PM
May all spend meritorious/good and higher last hours of this Sila-day.

Sokh chomreoun (may well being be developed [by everyone])
 

Johann

October 16, 2018, 03:15:10 PM
Nyom Roman.
 

Johann

October 12, 2018, 04:13:16 PM
Good to see Nyom Norum.
 

Johann

October 07, 2018, 10:38:10 AM
Maybe of support for lasting satifaction: Seeds of Becoming .
 

Johann

October 07, 2018, 06:57:38 AM
When ever love arises, dislike will be it's end. Who ever seeks out for friends, will get his enemy. Why? Because not willing to leave home. May wanderer gus find the way to never return. Mudita

gus

October 07, 2018, 03:38:58 AM
Vandami.

gus

October 07, 2018, 03:38:22 AM
Nevertheless my courage of active participation  has been fallen down. Anyway I hope to come time to time.
Okasa dwarattayena katam sabbam accayam khamata me bhante.

gus

October 07, 2018, 03:37:11 AM
Okasa bhante,

I didn't accepted Dymitros invitation to start a Theravada forum, because I thought this forum is pure Theravada. Now I regret about it, yet think this forum is comparatively good.  I learnt many valuable things from you and grateful to you. Nevertheless my courage of active partici
 

Johann

October 07, 2018, 02:20:29 AM
What ever one searches for, that he/she will find. Less are those seeing the nature of combined thing, leaving home and go beyond Maras domain.
 

Johann

October 06, 2018, 11:45:18 PM
 

Johann

October 06, 2018, 11:39:12 PM
When one is born in outer regions ... your island has drifted away.
 

Johann

October 06, 2018, 11:30:00 PM
macchariya, a boarder hard to cross to the middle way, abounding home, sakayaditthi, doubt and rituals.

gus

October 06, 2018, 02:33:02 PM
However much one say, West is West, East is East.
 

Johann

October 06, 2018, 02:28:29 PM
Where ever there is east, there is west. And vici versa. Where ever there is nama, there is rupa. Where ever one seeks for a home, there he will suffer.

gus

October 06, 2018, 02:03:31 PM
West is West

gus

October 06, 2018, 09:56:42 AM
belief of kamma, gratitude, independence, honesty, devotion : These are hard to find in people
 

Johann

October 06, 2018, 05:49:14 AM
Again, a latin proverb mit be useful: Quod licet Iovi, non licet bovi , patisota is always harmful if not just one own defilements or having a proper stand to help. Sota is the virtue required to resist in borderlands.
 

Johann

October 06, 2018, 05:41:52 AM
If in a borderland it's better to simply serve and support the Sangha. It's not smart to seek for other householders to nurish on traced imperfections of something required to uphold, wanderer gus.

gus

October 06, 2018, 04:54:48 AM
Okasa, happy to hear such things reagarding kamma. Many monks I have met don't directly speak about kamma because they have been tired after practicing some years and now bit relaxed.
 

Johann

October 06, 2018, 04:17:26 AM
Such can be total kusala and total akusala or simply defuse. Set your mind right and be mindful, that nothing will be of harm for yourself and others.
 

Johann

October 06, 2018, 04:15:27 AM
There is nothing not permitted. Merits or demerits are the actors responsibility. One is full in charge of ones action in this Domain here, wanderer gus.

gus

October 06, 2018, 03:50:00 AM
Bhante, is it permitted to ask questions or post things on behalf of other/future people ?

gus

October 05, 2018, 09:19:32 AM
We have been advised like this:
"No matter however much monks reject you,
Never leave the place."
 

Johann

October 05, 2018, 09:09:37 AM
It's good when wanderer gus takes a rest, turns to a lonly place, enjoys the merits done and find a good place for his mind and fixes possible open wholes when clear where he likes to go some hours later.
 

Johann

October 05, 2018, 08:59:03 AM
Wanderer Gus knows how foolish this statement is. That is not the way to get out of a hole.

gus

October 05, 2018, 08:42:59 AM
okasa,
falling down from a status is suffering.
So, if I could stay in the hell-being status from the beginning, then no suffering.
 

Johann

October 05, 2018, 07:33:20 AM
From a state of a young Bhikkhu equal tradition...to householder... ...asura (now) on the border to animal, peta, hell-state. It can go quick if not having firm nissaya.
 

Johann

October 05, 2018, 07:29:27 AM
Aniccam vatta samsara...

gus

October 05, 2018, 06:56:28 AM
Evolution:
Bhante subhuti =>
Upasaka gus =>
Deva gus =>
Asura gus.

In the future:
Asura gus =>
Peta gus =>
Animal gus =>
Hell-being gus ???

gus

October 05, 2018, 05:51:42 AM
Okasa, I think bhante thinks me as a patriot because of some content of my posts. But it is not.
Vandami.
 

Johann

October 05, 2018, 05:41:33 AM
What ever one likes to, not touched like the moon, does not mean to praise what is blameworthy and vici-versa and to have metta not to let people run into hell if ways can be pointed out. Yet other choices at least are their. Be quick, your island drifts away!

gus

October 05, 2018, 05:34:15 AM
Okasa,
As long as I don't do exactly what you say, I think I'll not be able to make you happy or satisfied.
Vandami.
 

Johann

October 04, 2018, 02:12:55 PM
If thinking that this is for sure, if delighting in believing that connected things are a refuge and give space to rest: one may do so. Ones own choice. When ever one stops to nurish inwardly, ouwardly path and fruits die. Good as well as bad.

gus

October 04, 2018, 11:28:51 AM
If bhante didn't let the weak person to live in avatar/deva mode, then he will lose both openness and connection. Up to now I have secured at least the connection.
Vandami.

gus

October 04, 2018, 11:22:24 AM
Yet I appreciate and pay vandana for your care and advice on openness.
Vandami.

gus

October 04, 2018, 11:19:56 AM
Please forgive me  bhante if I have made you tired. I don't like to accumulate akusala by making a monk tired in expecting a naughty chicken to be a good duck.
Okasa dwarattayena katam sabbam accayam Khamtu me bhante!
 

Johann

October 04, 2018, 11:07:06 AM
 

Johann

October 04, 2018, 11:01:00 AM
Differnt asked "why is Bhante not happy, dwell not in outwardly seeming being not touched?" Because it would not only confirm and show sign of aggreement of unwise acts, but also very incompassionate and cruel. Also place for suspecting corrupt ways and invite others to follow the comfortable dwelli
 

Johann

October 04, 2018, 10:54:12 AM
No one is able to make my person angry, which does not mean that he would not appear angry so to possible prevent from doing what is not conductive for liberation, even lead in lower states. Nothing to worry, but also no invitation to test it foolish since it could hurt one self and others.

gus

October 04, 2018, 10:46:39 AM
Okasa bhante, Isn't there at least single way to stay anonymous without making you angry?
Vandami.
 

Johann

October 04, 2018, 10:33:12 AM
corr: "it's, the domain of the Noble Ones, is nobody's personal domain" there are no wards around fields for merits and no tickets to pay
 

Johann

October 04, 2018, 10:29:31 AM
What ever Deva gus feels inspired. It's oneones personal domain and all giving is good in the distance of the brigh cool moon. One should not fear, should not be shy to do what is good and praised by the wise but be quick!

gus

October 04, 2018, 10:21:39 AM
Bhante, is that mean you don't like me to talk about higher subjects and like to talk about basics only?
 

Johann

October 04, 2018, 10:02:12 AM
It would be more than good if teaching others a lot on the topic vandami (paying respect) and khamatu (asking for forgiviness) since unknown and not practiced here around this field of merits in compassion to former relatives, Deva gus.
 

Johann

October 04, 2018, 09:55:38 AM
...total no problem to dwell and lay down in the cool shadow to heal at all and no need to ask for pardon when intended for progressing and to get fit for the battles so hard to win.

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