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Author Topic: [Q&A] The Bane of Social Media & Giving up bad friends  (Read 191 times)

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Offline Johann

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[Q&A] The Bane of Social Media & Giving up bad friends
« on: October 19, 2017, 01:53:17 AM »
The Bane of Social Media ("Giving up bad friends": see next post )

Quote from: Eggman, on BSE
The Bane of Social Media

I looked up 'social media' in the questions, but didn't find an answer precise enough for my inquiry. Basically, I came to the conclusion that 1) social media fragments attention drastically by multitasking and unawareness, and 2) it is extremely addictive, perhaps for that precise reason.

Thus, I ask what is likely cause, effect, and remedy linked with social media. What fuels social media use? What effects does its use have? What are the best ways to deal with this addictive medium? And finally, is it possible to tackle this addiction without alleviating it with the natural drive to socialize?

Thank you.

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person tries to answer this question. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,


- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

(This is a maybe modified and expanded answer of the "original" that can be found here .)

Eggman and those interested,

A general answer, which goes deep and shows also it's root, can be found in Methuna Sutta: The Discourse on Coupling : Brahma/Abrahmecariya. It's simply a matter of desire of be coming and on most networks just a maintaining with sensual pleasures, just have the purpose of "sex" or unifcation and is at large for the most time unskillful entertaining of the mind.

In regard of developing right mindfulness the Buddha counted six things which should be avoided, yet the main reason why one joins social networks (AN 6.118):

- Lust for bodily work,
- Lust for chatter,
- Lust for sleep,
- Lust for conviviality,
- Unguarded sense-doors,
- Crapulousness in eating.

So it's clear that he did not encourage much to normal social gatherings, aside of teaching, hearing and discussing the Dhamma, for good foods purpose:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

Humans not restrained in sensuality, (after) honour, and do the wrong thing. Acting on interest (greed), anger and fear, they are (engaged in) the defiled gathering. The recluse who knows has said, Great Men should be praised,

Established in the Teaching, they never do evil. They do not act through interest, anger or fear,

That is said to be the cream of a gathering.

Nevertheless, like food is used to overcome desire for food, so is it with socialicing. And:

It's not so that one should abound such generally first, but at least, that what is called:
Sangama [fr. saŋ+gam] 1. meeting, intercourse, association Sn 681; J ii.42; iii.488; v.483. -- 2. sexual intercourse M i.407; J iv.106.

The "with whom and for what purpose" is like most that what needs to be understood clearly.

A person tended to Dhamma and liberation will not be found on ordinary, wordily social medias by nature, but would seek for association with Noble Ones or those following them. Places which are not really frequented by many.

My person gave a extanded talk on Sangama, yet it is in German: Socialicing - សង្គម [Sangama] , which conserns actually much on this topic generally.

One might now think that "buddhist" Forums and Networks are different. That is not the case. Nearly all those places and Networks, since mostly also householder undertakings, or gatherings of monks seeking for unification and gain, are nothing else as places for low kinds of coupling, entertainment, trade, nourishment of sensual pleasure and becoming, identify.

If someone, in the way of serving, helping, assisting those with noble inspiration, with tendency to Nibbana, seeks of relation with them, seeks for much as possible assosiation, this would be the reason why it can be expected, that such a person soon might develope right view and progress on the path. One who is after assosiation with admirable people and serves for that, walks an auspicious way.

So one is wise if only join places and communities where good deeds are in action practiced and to possible avoid places of consumery, of what even many "buddhist" place are, just charing and eating food (most from third, without any estimate ir obligation) and non of virtues visible.

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

"What is good friendship ?

"Herein, Vyagghapajja, in whatsoever village or market town a householder dwells, he associates, converses, engages in discussions with householders or householders' sons, whether young and highly cultured or old and highly cultured, full of faith (saddha),[4] full of virtue (sila), full of charity (caga), full of wisdom (pañña). He acts in accordance with the faith of the faithful, with the virtue of the virtuous, with the charity of the charitable, with the wisdom of the wise. This is called good friendship.

[Kapadika Bharadvaja:] "To what extent is there an awakening to the truth ? To what extent does one awaken to the truth? We ask Master Gotama about awakening to the truth."

[The Buddha:] "There is the case, Bharadvaja, where a monk lives in dependence on a certain village or town. Then a householder or householder's son goes to him and observes him with regard to three mental qualities — qualities based on greed, qualities based on aversion, qualities based on delusion: 'Are there in this venerable one any such qualities based on greed that, with his mind overcome by these qualities, he might say, "I know," while not knowing, or say, "I see," while not seeing; or that he might urge another to act in a way that was for his/her long-term harm & pain?' As he observes him, he comes to know, 'There are in this venerable one no such qualities based on greed... His bodily behavior & verbal behavior are those of one not greedy. And the Dhamma he teaches is deep, hard to see, hard to realize, tranquil, refined, beyond the scope of conjecture, subtle, to-be-experienced by the wise. This Dhamma can't easily be taught by a person who's greedy.[/dquote]

So one should understand rightly the meaning of

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -


"It's through living together that a person's virtue may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

"It's through trading with a person that his purity may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

"It's through adversity that a person's endurance may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning.

"It's through discussion that a person's discernment may be known, and then only after a long period, not a short period; by one who is attentive, not by one who is inattentive; by one who is discerning, not by one who is not discerning."

Here one sees that it is required to assosiate and people who do not let others take part in all ways of their life indicate that they are not only stinge but may have reason to hide their certain secrets.

If one seriously like to make progress, food-places, shows, entertaining, e.g. common social networks (this incl. common "Buddhist" net works) need to be avoided, and one should not think "oh, look, this monks use it also, so it might be not that bad" since when seeing monks on social networks, it's a clear sign that such person might wear a rob but by heart had not left home at all, is - if good - simply a "cook" .

Since it all is a matter of accumulating debts in this or that way, it's wise to look to whom on does increase debts for his/her entertaining, livelihood of mind. Some words on it may help: Debts, but to whom?

If one is not really blessed, not having good protection yet, one would be wise to activily seek for such protection:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

Many devas and human beings
give thought to protection,
desiring well-being.
Tell, then, the highest protection.

The Buddha:

Not consorting with fools,
consorting with the wise,
paying homage to those worthy of homage:
This is the highest protection.

Respect, humility,
contentment, gratitude,
hearing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection.

Patience, compliance,
seeing contemplatives,
discussing the Dhamma on timely occasions:
This is the highest protection...

Since just translating, as the mechanic of "gifts" and "debts", to (be)come again and again:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

The manifold stresses
  that come into play in the world,
  come from acquisition as their cause.
  Anyone not knowing [this]
  creates acquisition.
  The fool, he comes to stress
      again & again.
  Therefore, discerning [this],
  you shouldn't create acquisition
  as you contemplate birth
  as what brings stress
      into play.
Quote from: Dualities

This is why one should best only leave Seclusion just for the sake of giving, and its good that if doing so not even reputations should be accumulated, sharing what ever merits so that the fine grasping after gain get more and more tiny and possible will fade.

If you just go out for feeding and entertainment of unskillful mind states, what will you gain aside that the ability of staying secluded, independent, free, will more and more fade away? Beware of Mara, he is very strong this days, and best if possible cut of from ordinary social net works quick.

« Last Edit: October 19, 2017, 02:16:22 AM by Johann »
This post and Content has come to be by Dhamma-Dana and so is given as it       Dhamma-Dana: Johann

Offline Johann

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[Q&A] Giving up bad friends
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2017, 02:12:09 AM »
Since very related to the first question:

Giving up bad friends

Quote from: Konrad on BSE
Giving up bad friends

The Buddha has spoken many times about giving up bad friends, we can find it in the Dhammapada, in the beautiful Maha Mangala Sutta and many other places.

My first point is: If we abandon bad friends, how will they improve? What role compassion plays here?

My second point is: It is very hard these days to completely abandon bad friends, we have social networks, professional networks, smartphones etc., we are connected like never before, it is very hard for a lay person to live only with good friends around, except if maybe he/she becomes a recluse, so what should one do? Just set limits?

("Original" of the answer can be found here .)

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

Konrad and those interested,

of course the path is not easy to do and it consists of letting go for long term benefit. The good in regard of this path is, that it actually benefits not only oneself but also all others, which therefore includes your bad "friends" as well.

As even the Bodhisatta, having free one wish, wished:

Once, when the Bodhisat was born as a man called Akitti Pandita, the King of Devas promised to grant him any boon he asked. Akitti Pandita begged that he might never meet, see or talk with fools. The King of Devas was surprised and asked him the reason for this strange request. Replying, he explained that fools or the unwise ones i.e. people who do not understand discipline, always lead their friends to bad ways and teach them to do wrong, because they do not know the right way them selves. If discipline or good ways are spoken in their presence, they become angry, for they cannot understand, they lose their temper and quarrels arise. If discipline or good ways are spoken in their presence, they become angry, for they do not understand them. Therefore he prayed that he might never speak, meet or come in contact with fools.

Mangala Suta-Uannana

Once possible firm in Dhamma, having become good independent, one may, if seeing benefit and having possibility, return to "bad friend" and maybe help them further, occationaly. It's also then no more possible to stay under "bad" friends for longer time. For now, like suggested in the airoplanes, adult should take on the emergency mask first.

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"Bhikkhus, the misery from the decrease of relations is nothing in comparison to the decrease of wisdom. Bhikkhus, of decreases the decrease in wisdom is miserable.

"Bhikkhus, the increase of relations is nothing in comparison to increase of wisdom. Therefore you should train, we will increase in wisdom.

As the Buddha told, if not finding people better or equal in regard of real treasures, it's better to walk alone.

For more and detail, this links may maybe provide a lot of satisfaction and clearance:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."[1]

"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.
Quote from: Upaddha Sutta

[Note: This is a gift of Dhamma, not meant for commercial purpose or other low wordily gains by means of trade and exchange]

This post and Content has come to be by Dhamma-Dana and so is given as it       Dhamma-Dana: Johann

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March 20, 2018, 04:52:34 AM

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March 19, 2018, 05:20:12 AM
This "wiki"-like backup tool is meant as a outwardy insurance that one does not be afraid that anything possible good can be desroyed or made bad while looking for cleaning it. So worry at all, kamma does not dissapear. No need to fear to make good deeds, knowing that.


March 19, 2018, 04:03:35 AM
And there is no intention to just make a museum out of a working and concentration camp, since the Dhamma can not be understood by just looking on forms but by learning and experiance skillful deeds.


March 19, 2018, 04:00:47 AM
Post-history: http://sangham.net/index.php/topic,1164.0.html (but there is no notification system). My person uses to make a @mention , off topic "/me" in the OP.


March 19, 2018, 03:49:28 AM
Or to simply make a new post. No need to be shy in doing good things. It's not a museum, it's a working and concentration place. Mudita.


March 19, 2018, 03:47:57 AM
There is such as a "wiki" backup function in all posts, Nyom Danilo. Good is to use the mention option, at the places where making changes @Johann , that it gets not "lost".


March 19, 2018, 03:02:46 AM
I have a backup of the original post in any case. I might review the second post next time. Very insightful teaching. _/\_


March 19, 2018, 03:01:35 AM
I've recently fixed many words and sentences of the first post of the thread "Debts, but to whom?". It take me some time trying to figure out the meaning of some sentences. So it would be good if Bhante could check if the original intended meaning of the post still intact. I have a backup of the ori


March 19, 2018, 01:57:28 AM
_/\_ _/\_ _/\_


March 19, 2018, 12:01:09 AM
One leading to peaks pointing downward so that aging, sickness and death can be seen, know him/her as a sage, a giver of release.


March 18, 2018, 11:57:30 PM
One leading people to papanca, promoting rejoicing in objectification as the heart wood, increases to fields of corpse in the world.


March 18, 2018, 12:03:14 AM
Good night _/\_


March 17, 2018, 11:59:14 PM
Vandami, Bhante _/\_


March 17, 2018, 11:51:37 PM


March 16, 2018, 01:19:17 AM


March 15, 2018, 09:53:07 PM
 :-* ich wünschen allen einen verdienstvollen uposatha  :-*


March 14, 2018, 11:19:11 PM
Sounds like a good idea to rest. I will be taking a break from the internet for a while i feel detached a lot from the worldly feminisms and all. It is wonderful not to be lusting, walking the streets with lowered gaze, delighting in meditation... I fear it compromises me to even think about the pol


March 14, 2018, 11:10:27 PM


March 14, 2018, 10:58:38 PM
Marcel, Morits, Upasaka X, it's time to break up this auspicious coming in touch now also for my person. Observe, remember, how you have been yesterday an now and guess of what will be tomorrow probably... maybe just not sure.


March 14, 2018, 10:06:46 PM
Sadhu, _/\_

may Bhante have a peaceful day.

Chom reap sour.


March 14, 2018, 09:58:42 PM
 :-* :-* :-*


March 14, 2018, 09:55:00 PM
O yes... will be a long day, this yesterday, but possible a remorseless.


March 14, 2018, 09:46:45 PM
Vandami Bhante,
good evening (morning in Cambodia?).



March 14, 2018, 03:03:38 AM
Wie war es gestern? Wie geht es heute?

How was it yesterday? How are you today?


March 06, 2018, 02:24:03 PM
Nyom Jens.


March 05, 2018, 02:25:22 PM
 :-* erhwürdiger bhante johann  :-*


March 05, 2018, 02:17:57 PM
Nyom Marcel


March 01, 2018, 12:52:02 AM
Sadhu, eine des Magha-puja allen jenen die sie heute Begehen.


February 28, 2018, 09:48:58 PM
 :-* allen ein verdienstvollen uposatha tag :-*


February 24, 2018, 02:37:41 AM


February 24, 2018, 01:31:25 AM


February 24, 2018, 12:50:00 AM
Es ist sehr selten, ungewöhnlich und erfreulich, zur Mitfreude anregend, junge Menschen Kloster aufsuchend zu sehen.


February 23, 2018, 02:56:54 PM
Namasakara, Bhante _/\_


February 23, 2018, 04:04:45 AM


February 23, 2018, 02:16:16 AM
Nyom Danilo.
(Atma will leave for a while for his almsround.)


February 22, 2018, 10:08:41 PM
 :-* ehrwürdiger bhante johann, ja ich ahb die khmer tastatur installiert! ich werde in den nächsten tagen text teilen und berichten!  :-*


February 22, 2018, 12:34:06 PM
Hat Nyom Marcel schon eine Khmer Tastatur installiert?


February 22, 2018, 12:32:21 PM
So ist das. Wenn Nahrung aufgebraucht, dann ist da für eine Weile Ende, und Wiedergeboren, es wieder brennen wird. Zum endgültigen legen des Feuers sind wir hier, oder? Pfau ruft, Gecko balzt, alles in Ordnung, oder?


February 22, 2018, 12:16:35 PM
 :-* ehrwürdiger bhante johann, letzte nacht davon geträumt, dass es beim ashram brennt!!
ich hoffe, das feuer hat sich gelegt  :-*


February 22, 2018, 11:43:37 AM
Nyom Marcel.


February 22, 2018, 09:08:57 AM


February 22, 2018, 08:49:51 AM
Möge Regen kommen und alle beschützt werden


February 22, 2018, 01:59:08 AM


February 22, 2018, 01:04:19 AM
ich  wünsche einen verdienstvollen uposatha!! all jende für morgen auch einen hervorragenden uposatha!!!
 :-* :-* :-*


February 19, 2018, 06:00:04 PM
Much joy and releasing touches here, Nyom Chris, my person will leave for today, befor it becomes tomorrow, and rest a little.


February 14, 2018, 03:57:33 PM
Sadhu, auch jenen, die ihn morgen, auch Chinesisches Neujahrsfest, begehen, einhalten.


February 14, 2018, 01:37:51 PM
einen verdienstvollen uposatha allen!!!


February 10, 2018, 12:31:09 PM
Sadhu! Mag er fruchtvoll verlaufen sein. Gerade wieder Möglichkeit erhalten, in dieser Welt hier beizutragen.


February 08, 2018, 12:46:43 PM
 :-* :-* :-* ich wünsche allen einen verdienstvollen uposatha  :-* :-* :-*


February 05, 2018, 02:19:14 PM

 :-* :-* :-* sadhu,sadhu,sadhu

 :-* :-* :-*


February 02, 2018, 12:38:06 PM
Meinereiner ist so schnell ie noch nie genesen. Die Symptome des Befalls nur 2 Tage, und die üblichen 5 Tage um das Medikament zu überstehen. Atma ist gerade wohl auf und auch das ist wie für alle nicht sicher. Nutze den Tag heißt vorallem über Alter, Krankheit und Tod, wie Alternative z

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