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Talkbox

Like when enter or join, a shrine, another's sphere, or back: good for greating, bye, veneration, short talks, quick help. Some infos on regards .


2024 Mar 18 21:42:50
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Mar 18 19:43:59
Dhammañāṇa: Mudita, Nyom.

2024 Mar 18 19:36:35
blazer: Bhante Dhammañāṇa  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Undertaking this Sila day at my best.

2024 Mar 18 06:17:10
Dhammañāṇa: Those who undertake the Sila day today: may it be of much metta.

2024 Mar 18 02:16:41
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Mar 17 21:09:31
អរិយវង្ស: 🚬🚬🚬

2024 Mar 17 06:30:53
Dhammañāṇa: Metta-full Sila day, those after it today.

2024 Mar 17 00:02:34
blazer: Bhante Dhammañāṇa  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Mar 11 09:16:04
Dhammañāṇa: Once totally caught by google, AI and machines, every door has been closed for long, long term.

2024 Mar 11 09:14:04
Dhammañāṇa: People at large just wait that another would do his/her duty. Once a slight door to run back, they are gone. By going again just for debts, the wheel of running away turns on.

2024 Mar 10 18:59:10
Dhammañāṇa: Less are those who don't use the higher Dhamma not for defilement-defence, less those who don't throw the basics away and turn back to sensuality "with ease".

2024 Mar 10 06:51:11
Dhammañāṇa: A auspicious new-moon Uposatha for those observing it today.

2024 Mar 09 06:34:39
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed New-moon Uposatha, and birth reminder day of a monarchy of wonders.

2024 Mar 08 21:39:54
Dhammañāṇa: The best way to keep an Ashram silent is to put always duties and Sila high. If wishing it populated, put meditation (eating) on the first place.

2024 Mar 03 21:27:27
Dhammañāṇa: May those undertaking the Sila day today, spend it off in best ways, similar those who go after the days purpose tomorrow.

2024 Feb 25 22:10:33
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Feb 24 06:42:35
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed Māgha Pūjā and Full moon Uposatha with much reason for good recallings of goodness.

2024 Feb 24 01:50:55
blazer: Bhante Dhammañāṇa  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Feb 23 06:39:57
Dhammañāṇa: Nyom

2024 Feb 23 00:19:58
blazer: Taken flu again... at least leg pain has been better managed since many weeks and it's the greatest benefit. Hope Bhante Dhammañāṇa is fine  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Feb 18 01:06:43
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Feb 18 00:02:37
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Feb 17 18:47:31
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed rest of todays Sila-day.

2024 Feb 17 18:46:59
Dhammañāṇa: Chau Marco, chau...

2024 Feb 16 23:32:59
blazer: Just ended important burocratic and medical stuff. I will check for a flight for Cambodia soon  _/\_

2024 Feb 09 16:08:32
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Feb 09 12:17:31
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Feb 09 06:42:17
Dhammañāṇa: May all spend a blessed New moon Uposatha and last day of the Chinese year of the rabbit, entering the Year of the Naga wisely.

2024 Feb 02 21:17:28
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Feb 02 19:53:28
Dhammañāṇa: May all have the possibility to spend a pleasing rest of Sila day, having given goodness and spend a faultless day.

2024 Jan 26 14:40:25
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Jan 25 10:02:46
Dhammañāṇa: May all spend a blessed Full moon Uposatha.

2024 Jan 11 06:37:21
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Jan 07 06:31:20
Dhammañāṇa: May many, by skilful deeds,  go for real and lasting independence today

2024 Jan 06 18:00:36
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Jan 04 16:57:17
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2024 Jan 04 12:33:08
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed Sila-day, full of metta in thoughts, speech and deeds.

2023 Dec 30 20:21:07
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Dec 27 23:18:38
Dhammañāṇa: May the rest of a bright full moon Uposatha serve many as a blessed day of good deeds.

2023 Dec 26 23:12:17
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Dec 24 16:52:50
Dhammañāṇa: May all who celebrated the birth of their prophet, declaring them his ideas of reaching the Brahma realm, spend peaceful days with family and reflect the goodness near around them, virtuous, generously.

2023 Dec 20 21:36:37
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Dec 20 06:54:09
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed Sila day, by conducting in peacefull manners.

2023 Dec 12 23:45:24
blazer:  _/\_

2023 Dec 12 20:34:26
Dhammañāṇa: choice, yes  :)

2023 Dec 12 13:23:35
blazer: If meaning freedom of choice i understand and agree

2023 Dec 12 12:48:42
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Dec 12 06:13:23
Dhammañāṇa: May all spend a great New Moon Uposatha, following the conducts of the Arahats.

2023 Dec 10 12:51:16
Dhammañāṇa: The more freedom of joice, the more troubled in regard of what's right, what's wrong. My person does not say that people at large are prepared for freedom of joice even a little.

2023 Dec 10 10:59:42
blazer: Hope they eat more mindfully than how they talk. It is clear for the gross food, we had more than a talk about this topic. I have put so much effort in mindful eating at the temple, but when i was back i wanted more refined food. I was used to get a choice of more than 10 dishes every day

2023 Dec 10 06:57:44
Dhammañāṇa: A person eating on unskilled thoughts will last defiled, Nyom. Gross food does nothing for purification at all.

2023 Dec 09 21:41:58
blazer: I've had a couple of not nice experiences with monks that were not so pure in my opinion. They surely eat far better than me at temple.

2023 Dec 09 21:41:41
blazer: Ven. Johann  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Dec 09 11:38:36
Dhammañāṇa: Spiritual prostitution, just another way of livelihood.

2023 Dec 05 20:59:38
Dhammañāṇa: May all spend a pleasing rest of Sila-day.

2023 Nov 27 14:47:22
អរិយវង្ស:   _/\_ _/\__/\_

2023 Nov 27 05:41:32
Dhammañāṇa: May all spend a blessed Anapanasati- Fullmoon and reflect the goodness of Ven Sāriputta as well today.

2023 Nov 20 19:18:13
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Nov 20 18:20:15
Dhammañāṇa: May all spend a pleasing rest of Sila-day.

2023 Nov 20 02:48:24
Moritz: Hello _/\_ Still possible to join: An-other Journey into the East 2023/24

2023 Nov 18 13:55:11
blazer: Hello everyone  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Nov 12 01:09:01
Dhammañāṇa: Nyom

2023 Nov 12 00:45:21
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Nov 09 19:42:10
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Nov 09 07:17:02
Dhammañāṇa: សិលា​នាំ​ទៅ​រក​ឯករាជ្យ​នៃ​ជាតិ! សូមឱ្យមនុស្សជាច្រើនប្រារព្ធទិវាឯករាជ្យ(ពី)ជាតិ។

2023 Nov 09 07:06:56
Dhammañāṇa: Sila leads to independence of Jati! May many observe a conductive Independence day.

2023 Nov 07 00:54:02
Dhammañāṇa: Nyoum

2023 Nov 07 00:39:55
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Nov 06 15:47:51
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Nov 06 12:21:27
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed Sila observation day today.

2023 Oct 30 15:17:36
Dhammañāṇa: It's common in to give up that what's given to do assist me toward release, common that seeking security in what binds.

2023 Oct 30 13:22:27
អរិយវង្ស: ព្រះអង្គ :) កូណាលុប delta chat ហើយ :D _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Oct 23 18:56:09
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Oct 22 20:36:01
Dhammañāṇa: May all spend a pleasing rest of this Sila-day.

2023 Oct 19 20:31:12
Dhammañāṇa: Nyom Sreyneang

2023 Oct 15 07:07:01
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Oct 14 06:53:21
Dhammañāṇa: May all spend a New moon Uposatha based on goodwill for all, find seclusion in the middle of family duties.

2023 Sep 29 07:35:30
blazer:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Sep 29 07:23:47
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Sep 29 07:03:11
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed full moon Uposatha and begin of the ancestor weeks by lived metta and virtue: lived gratitude toward all being, toward one self.

2023 Sep 22 22:07:43
Dhammañāṇa: If no rush turn toward reducing sensuality and make Silas the top of priority, it's to fear that an Atomic conflic will be chosen soon, in the battle of control of the "drugs".

2023 Sep 22 14:59:39
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Sep 22 06:35:51
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed Uposatha Observance on this Sila-day, by conducting similar the Arahats.

2023 Sep 16 19:29:27
blazer: Ven. Johann  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Sep 16 19:29:13
blazer: Hello everyone! I've just come back home. I had a long trip and no sleep for more than 30 hours, but currently feel quite good. I've had a good experience, i'm happy. I've found out much inspiration and many ideas about the training and the holy life. I'll recollect and write about them as soon as i've taken some rest. Hope to find you all well and in good health  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Sep 15 05:25:24
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Sep 14 21:09:49
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed rest of New moon Uposatha today (later as no connection before).

2023 Sep 10 01:55:47
អរិយវង្ស:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_?

2023 Sep 09 18:52:54
Dhammañāṇa: No existence, no 'way of life', can excel the finally journey, just 'busy' in given away all of what ever made one's own. A total remorse-less existence. May many go for it, and see the way toward the deathless, no more worry of past, future and present as well.

2023 Sep 09 18:52:28
Dhammañāṇa: No existence, no 'way of life', can excel the finally journey, just 'busy' in given away all of what ever made one's own. A total remorse-less existence. May many go for it, and see the way toward the deathless, no more worry of past, future and present as well.

2023 Sep 08 06:19:20
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed Sila day, by maintaining goodwill toward all, not only by deeds and speech, but with nine factors, incl. a mind full of metta.

2023 Sep 01 10:54:43
អរិយវង្ស: សាធុ សាធុ សាធុ _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Sep 01 09:21:09
Dhammañāṇa:  “This verse was stated by earlier worthy ones, fully self-awakened:    Freedom from disease: the foremost good fortune. Unbinding: the foremost ease. The eightfold: the foremost of paths going to the Deathless, Secure.

2023 Sep 01 09:19:23
Dhammañāṇa: 'Ārogyaparamā lābhā nibbānaṃ paramaṃ sukhaṃ, Aṭṭhaṅgiko ca maggānaṃ khemaṃ amatagāmina'nti.   អារោគ្យបរមា លាភា និព្ពានំ បរមំ សុខំ អដ្ថងិកោ ច មគ្គានំ ខេមំ អមតគាមិន នតិ។  លាភទាំងឡាយ មានការមិនមានរោគ ដ៏ប្រសើរបំផុត ព្រះនិព្វាន ជាសុខដ៏ឧត្តម មគ្គប្រកបដោយអង្គ៨ ដ៏ក្សេមក្សាន្តជាងមគ្គទាំងឡាយ សម្រាប់ដំណើរ ទៅកាន់​ព្រះនិព្វាន ឈ្មោះអមតៈ។

2023 Aug 31 06:30:11
អរិយវង្ស: សាធុ សាធុ សាធុ _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Aug 31 06:08:15
Dhammañāṇa: A blessed Fullmoon Uposatha, following the Arahats conducts.

2023 Aug 30 20:19:25
Dhammañāṇa: Nyom

2023 Aug 30 18:39:38
blazer: Hello everyone  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2023 Aug 24 19:56:43
Dhammañāṇa: Sadhu, Sadhu and mudita

2023 Aug 24 19:45:08
អរិយវង្ស: កូណា បាននាំគ្រួសាររក្សាសីល8ក្នុងថ្ងៃនេះ _/\_ _/\_ _/\_😌

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Author Topic: [Q&A] How to deal with it, if good or beloved are treaded unfair?  (Read 1217 times)

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Offline Dhammañāṇa

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  • (Samana Johann)
  • Date of ordination/Datum der Ordination.: 20140527 Upasampadā 20240110

[Q&A] How to deal with it, if good or beloved are treaded unfair?

Quote from: by Tanvika Singh on BSE
How to deal with being ignored?

At work, my mother experiences that she is being ignored by most of her co-workers. She feels isolated and sad. What can she do?

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person tries to answer this question. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,

 *sgift*

(This is a maybe modified and expanded answer of the "original" that can be found here .)

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -



Especially in cases where ones "gods" (e.g. teacher, parents, good friends, but also and specially the Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha: those how are real supporters and people of goodness torward one) is treaded unfaily or by wrong judgement it's not an obligatiin to take side in improper ways and even out of ones range, but to stick simply with ones duties torward them. In that frame, the questiin was answered as following:

When thinking goes wrong, one suffers. If one thinks about what he/she does not have, desires for it, developes ideas of "I would have a right", "I deserve that", then misery increases and often unskillful actions in words and deeds follow. Such is a poor person, no matter how much he/she possesses and destinated to poor realms.

If one on the other side thinks in terms of what he/she has, even in terms of what he/she can give and shares the wealth he/she has like one who can, then that person, however less he/she might own, is always a most rich Deva/Devata. No possession of wealth, regard, honor and wellubeing can excel his/her's.

Not knowing much of your particular case, but it's obvious that your mother owns or has got something better, which not many people gain from their child, namely, the care of her daughter.

So try to learn be generous and think in good ways :

 

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

There is the case where a certain person is not covetous. He does not covet the belongings of others, thinking, 'O, that what belongs to others would be mine!' He bears no ill will and is not corrupt in the resolves of his heart. [He thinks,] 'May these beings be free from animosity, free from oppression, free from trouble, and may they look after themselves with ease!' He has right view and is not warped in the way he sees things: 'There is what is given, what is offered, what is sacrificed. There are fruits & results of good & bad actions. There is this world & the next world. There is mother & father. There are spontaneously reborn beings; there are brahmans & contemplatives who, faring rightly & practicing rightly, proclaim this world & the next after having directly known & realized it for themselves.' This is how one is made pure in three ways by mental action."

and give your mother that what really repays what you owe her. And by explaining to her what is right thinking, she will be a wealthy well-regarded person for long long time.

 

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."
Quote from: AN2.31

That means if even you, as her daughter, got others not to ignore her & brought others to estimate your mother, you would not be able to pay back what you owe her. But if you are able to teach her right thinking, giving, letting go, not to demand: e.g. become a real person by her own, that you gave her what is really hard to gain and a auspicious future for long time.

Having gained the real treasures one becomes secure. Wealth, regard, praise, well-being... the eight wordily Dhammas, are not for sure.

By Attending to and serving just her good qualities and being careful and respectful to correct that of what is not right and possible seen as ugly on her behalf; you are not only a real good daughter, but a real admirable friend . A person who does her duties and gains release, step by step. One who serves the Buddha & the gods.

(A nice tiny story comes to mind, maybe able to translate when back from alms)

 
Quote

A son went with his old father to a restaurant for dinner.

His father was already old and weak, soiled his shirt and trousers while eating. Other guest looked annoyed at him while his son remained totally calm.

After he had finished his meal, his son - not having been embarrassed at all by that - brought him to the toilet, removed the garbage of food, cleaned the stains, comb his hair, and adjusted his glasses.

Als they returned the whole restaurant observed them while not saying anything loudly, not able to understand how someone is able to disgrace oneself like this in public.

The son payed the bill and went on torward the exit with his father.

At this moment an older man under the guests called after the son and asked: "You haven't had left something here, have you?"

The son answered: "No, I didn't."

The old man countered: "Of course you have! You leave a lessonfor every son and hope for every father behind."

The guest grow still.

My person thinks that one being a daughter, or any other person in a certain relation that deserves gratitude, will understand the lessons shared here as well, in each certain case.

Here are also the ten ways of subdoing ones anger, ones sadness, ones tears:
 

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"There are these ten ways of subduing hatred. Which ten?

[1] "Thinking, 'He has done me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[2] "Thinking, 'He is doing me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[3] "Thinking, 'He is going to do me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[4] "Thinking, 'He has done harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[5] "Thinking, 'He is doing harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[6] "Thinking, 'He is going to do harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[7] "Thinking, 'He has aided people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[8] "Thinking, 'He is aiding people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[9] "Thinking, 'He is going to aid people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.

[10] "One does not get worked up over impossibilities.

"These are ten ways of subduing hatred."
Quote from: Aghata Sutta

Now having cleaned your heart with the Juwels and the tools of the Noble ones, go on, and give a share of that brightness there where it might be dark at this time. For one having falled into darkness, how could he/she be a light. Having taken a real refuge one is no more able to fall into dark.

Mudita with you both rich people, and those having served that the lessons got possible good provided.

(After having written, or while still writing this, Dhammadhatu (Element) "cleaned away the garbage and spots" in the text carefully, meaning he corrected spelling, grammer and son approaches into daughter, silently. And it was up to him that it can be readed more pleasant. He left a sample for all sons and ways of convidence for all fathers behind.)

This duties of help in ones own relation are best mentioned in the duties of a disciple toward his teacher and can be applied for other relatiins as well. The relation of your parents, teacher... are not really yours and itjs mostly not proper, not even possible, to invent into others business being not really included there:

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

[When outside:]
“If the preceptor is bordering on an offense, (the student) should stop him.[1]

(Mv.I.25.20) “If dissatisfaction (with the holy life) arises in the preceptor, the student should allay it or get someone else to allay it or one should give him a Dhamma talk.

“If anxiety (over his conduct with regard to the rules) arises in the preceptor, the student should dispel it or get someone else to dispel it or one should give him a Dhamma talk.

“If a viewpoint arises in the preceptor, the student should pry it away or get someone else to pry it away or one should give him a Dhamma talk.

(Mv.I.25.21) “If the preceptor has committed an offense against a heavy rule (saṅghādisesa) and deserves probation, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor probation?’

“If the preceptor deserves to be sent back to the beginning, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha send my preceptor back to the beginning?’

“If the preceptor deserves penance, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor penance?’

“If the preceptor deserves rehabilitation, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor rehabilitation?’

(Mv.I.25.22) “If the Saṅgha wants to carry out a transaction against the preceptor — censure, demotion, banishment, reconciliation, or suspension — the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha not carry out that transaction against my preceptor or else change it to a lighter one?’

“But if the transaction — censure, demotion, banishment, reconciliation, or suspension — is carried out against him, the student should make an effort, (thinking,)

“‘How can my preceptor behave properly, lower his hackles, mend his ways, so that the Saṅgha will rescind that transaction?’
 1. “It should be understood to be an offense of wrong doing in all cases.” Explaining the meaning, it is said, “In cases like this, even one who is sick doesn’t avoid an offense.” And for one who is not sick who, out of disrespect, doesn’t perform the other duties toward a preceptor that have been discussed, in breaking the duty there is an offense of wrong doing in each case. Thus it will be said, “A student who is not sick, even if he has sixty Rains, should perform all of the duties toward his preceptor. For one not doing them out of disrespect, in breaking the duty, there is (an offense of) wrong doing (see "all duties". And in the sections on what is not to be done, even for one who is sick, performing those actions that are prohibited is likewise (an offense of) wrong doing.”

Commentary: “If he is bordering on an offense, one should stop him”: He is saying something near to the offenses such as (having a lay person recite) Dhamma line by line (BMCI: Pc 4) or (addressing) lewd (words to a woman) (BMCI: Sg 3). “One should stop him.” One should hold him back by asking something like, “Venerable sir, is something like this allowable to say? Is it not an offense? But one should not, (thinking,) “I will hold him back,” say, “Elder, don’t say that.”
Quote from: ??

This duties are very similar in the other direction of a relation as well.

The main different is that the leading person in an relation has the duty bend to a good:

“A preceptor should support and encourage his student by teaching him, counter-questioning him, teaching him, and admonishing him.


Anumodana!
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