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[Buddha]

Author Topic: [Q&A] I want to leave my mother (The "bad" mother and "lucky" daughter)  (Read 344 times)

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Offline Johann

  • Samanera
  • Very Engaged Member
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  • Sadhu! or +347/-0
  • Gender: Male
  • Date of ordination/Datum der Ordination.: 20140527
I want to leave my mother

As I just starting to learn about Buddhism and the methods of be free from samsara. I have confusion about my relationship and my mother. I am 24 yo now- I feel like I have enough of being used by my mother. When I was 1 week old she gave me to another family to look after. She paid them tho. She never taking care of all my siblings inc me. She is sex worker and my dad was a lazy man who did nothing but spend my mother money. Instead of saving money for her kids, she went to another island with young guys to spend the money from properties etc. she sold me (not technically) to 50yo man who is her client,but he didn’t know that I was her daughter. She asked me to go there AGAIN after the sexual assault happen a day before, just to get a phone that he willing to give for an apology of his behaviour, but he did it again. My mom laughed and disgust when i told her what happened.

When I started to build up my life on my own, she know I have more money than all my other siblings so she asked me to send and give her money(weekly or monthly). The money goes somewhere, I dunno where but it’s a lot for food expenses. Now I am in Australia studying with my hard work and she still depend on me to live, just like what she did in her whole life. Instead of giving up on her, I show her the good path n to become a better person but she always says “I was born like this, it’s a habit, don’t tell me what’s wrong n right, cause I know” over and over again.

Last month, she asked for my help and I don’t have anything cause I just pay my school but she doesn’t understand so I asked my friends for help, and she said “it’s embarrassing to have a daughter who live in another country, but can’t support her mother” so I just said to her,”enough, enough doing this to me, if you believe what you believe is right then keep doing that, but I don’t want to be part of it” and I never call or text her since.

I truly don’t want to be in her life anymore, she is 50yo. She had 3x stroke and she stil doesn’t changes. I accept the way she is but I don’t her to be part of my life, I don’t care if someday I live on the street again, as long as she stop to using me.

What should I do ??? Try again ?? I forgive her. Should I back and apologise because I choose my happiness?? I need a spiritual answer ! I’m lost.

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person tries to answer this question. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,

 *sgift*





Young woman, your current situation like before as well, is not for sure, can chance even that very moment. So when ever there is something possible to be given, give, at least, just what is given is not lost while short comfort is. How much has been given to you? What can be said as having gained without suffering and sacrifies by others at fist place? Not anything, or?

What ever you can do and give without doing something wrong for the sake of your parents is good done. What ever does neither harm one self nor others is always good to use to share. What ever is gained proper and is rightly yours: gain and share with best wishes.

Once one has been worse, not a little aware of what has been given without any real need to do it, not even to carry for month, give body and birth. Even if not perfect as it could be, one owes much, not easy to repay.

Don't fall into arrogance and greed or even without proper gratidude (as so many people easy become when they are or feel more securce then their previous supporters, yet forgetting that their situation now is also not a lasting, not sure) and it's not wrong to give back with joy and even with more wisdom as having been given.

 

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"Monks, I will teach you the level of a person of no integrity and the level of a person of integrity. Listen & pay close attention. I will speak."

"As you say, lord," the monks responded.

The Blessed One said, "Now what is the level of a person of no integrity? A person of no integrity is ungrateful & unthankful. This ingratitude, this lack of thankfulness, is advocated by rude people. It is entirely on the level of people of no integrity. A person of integrity is grateful & thankful. This gratitude, this thankfulness, is advocated by civil people. It is entirely on the level of people of integrity."

{II,iv,2} "I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."


See also: MN 110; SN 7.14; AN 4.73; Iti 106.

One who gives is never poor while even the riches person without real generosity and lack of gratidute is the most poor person in this world.

Who do you like to be? A rich outwardly or a real rich who does not care of what people without integrity might think and say? It's all of your choice, short and cheap happiness or a heart at peace, fulfilled it's obligations and at lasting joy in remembering his/her gratitude, generosity and virtue, equal the Devas and great men.

Be aware that you ask here in an enviroment of people with grave wrong view even suggesting foolish or bad thing in the name of Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha, so generally you must be very gifted not to simply follow fools advocating in accordiance with also you own defilements and tenencies to greed, aversion and delution.

One feeling deeply obligated to ones parents, even if a mass of fools laugh at it, even if meeting many burdens, is by far more secure to gain real wealth as the modern and western fools, how ever sucessful they might appear for now.

 

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"These three things have been promulgated by wise people, by people of integrity. Which three? Generosity... going-forth [from the home life]... & service to one's mother & father. These three things have been promulgated by wise people, by people of integrity."
Quote from: AN 3.45

No one fails in recognize someone with even slight doubts "but" and "if's" in this regard as fools and one does always good to avoid them like fire and poision.

 

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

  • "To support one's father and mother; to cherish one's wife and children, and to be engaged in peaceful occupations — this is the highest blessing.
  • "Liberality, righteous conduct, rendering assistance to relatives, and performance of blameless deeds — this is the highest blessing.

So it's up to you of whom you go after: those who abound their parents and previous supporters by their systems in rest houses, leave them up to others or people of integrity and still functioning society, carrying and having a heart, feeling obligated for even small gifts.

It's easy and quick managed to join into the foolish-hood.


Here are some usefull teaching in general on this topic:
 
Quote
A starter into Dhamma is gratitude and without it, there is no progress on the path, mostly even no reason to seek for the path.

Look at certain, even most answers here and if a little wise you may find out in what ugly society you actually have found yourself. If not seeing know yourself as having become or be another with less hope.

Western or modern minded people, being not blessed to live among people with even basic right view, especially those "Vipassana-householders" with no gratitude and virtue at all, are not capable to even grasp basics no matter how much they might learn, know or practice with corrupted hearts and lack of any real integrity and good principles.

 
Quote
Gratitude is a sign of a good person. And it is an attitude that gives rise to more goodness within us... Karma & Gratitude

At least, to some aspects of your qiestion and if willing to be or become a good friend for all others, you may consider marks of good people also here:

 

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

"A friend endowed with these three qualities is worth associating with. Which three? He/she gives what is hard to give, does what is hard to do, endures (pardon) what is hard to endure (pardon). A friend endowed with these three qualities is worth associating with."

— AN 3.133
This post and Content has come to be by Dhamma-Dana and so is given as it       Dhamma-Dana: Johann

Tags:
 

Plauderbox

 

Johann

November 11, 2018, 01:00:38 AM
Sadhu Nyom. "May the Dhamma of the Buddha, and those following, be all beings refuge for a blessed life and beyond."
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 11, 2018, 12:31:09 AM
May the Dhamma be the greatest blessing in our lives today!
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 11, 2018, 12:30:17 AM
Möge heute das Dhamma der größte Segen in unserem Leben sein!
 

Johann

November 10, 2018, 03:31:36 AM
Sadhu! "May all given the right causes so that they experiance peace, prospery, friendships in their worlds today."
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 10, 2018, 02:42:15 AM
Sehr ehrwürdiger Samanera Johann,
hier gibt es einen Fehler. Nicht Mӧge, sondern Mӧgen.

Dhamma Grüβe an Sie aus Sri Lanka!
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 10, 2018, 12:58:57 AM
May peace, prosperity, Friendship prevail throughout the word today!
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 10, 2018, 12:58:26 AM
Mӧge heute Frieden, Wohlstand und Freundschaft auf der ganzen Welt herrschen!
 

Johann

November 08, 2018, 01:40:21 AM
May all those having not observed the new-moon Uposata yesterday take the chance of this day.
 

Johann

November 07, 2018, 01:52:42 AM
Sadhu! "May I, may all, give the causes, act in way, that I, that all, experiance a blissfull day."
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 07, 2018, 12:36:19 AM
May today be a blissful day!
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 07, 2018, 12:35:13 AM
Mӧge der heutige Tag ein glückseliger Tag sein!
 

Cheav Villa

November 06, 2018, 02:57:08 PM
Sandhu!
 

Johann

November 06, 2018, 12:41:22 AM
Sadhu. "May I, may all, use this day to give themselves causes for long lasting happines."
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 06, 2018, 12:17:34 AM
May today be a meritful and meritorious day!
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 06, 2018, 12:16:58 AM
Mӧge der heutige Tag ein verdienstvoller und verdienstlicher Tag sein!
 

Johann

November 05, 2018, 09:16:58 AM
Sadhu
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 05, 2018, 01:41:57 AM
May today be a day of insight!                                                                        
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 05, 2018, 01:41:24 AM
Mӧge der heutige Tag ein Tag der Einsicht sein!
 

Johann

November 04, 2018, 04:57:53 PM
(I, Breah Karuna, will try to send the pictures tomorrow again, because today the sending does not work)

No problem Nyom. គ្មានបញ្ហាទេញោម
 

Cheav Villa

November 04, 2018, 04:09:20 PM
ខ្ញុំព្រះករុណានឹងផ្ញេីរូបភាពនៅថ្ងៃស្អែកទៀត ព្រោះឥលូវផ្ញេីមិនទៅទេព្រះអង្គ
 

Johann

November 04, 2018, 07:58:41 AM
Sadhu
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 04, 2018, 02:45:36 AM
Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann,

I wish you a devotional day.

Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!


 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 03, 2018, 03:11:53 PM
Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann,

I thank you for your kind service.

Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!


 

Cheav Villa

November 03, 2018, 02:03:55 PM
ព្រះករុណាព្រះអង្គ
 

Johann

November 03, 2018, 02:01:26 PM
(I would like to inform Breah Ang, that I, Breah Karuna, together with my husband/family, and older Sister Sophoeun will go to Aural tomorow in the morning. May Breah Ang be told to (a)wait.)

May you have a secure and hurry-less travel and meet good fortune all along the way. May you drive slowly
 

Cheav Villa

November 03, 2018, 12:51:48 PM
សូមទូលព្រះអង្គ​ ខ្ញុំព្រះករុណានិងគ្រួសារ និងបងស្រីសុភឿននឹងទៅឱរ៉ាល់នាព្រឹកស្អែក សូមទូលនិមន្តព្រះអង្គចាំ
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 03, 2018, 12:06:08 PM
Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann,

I have put the link on the correct place. Please confirm if it is correct!

Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!
 

Johann

November 03, 2018, 10:42:58 AM
Nyom Villa.
 

Johann

November 03, 2018, 10:42:08 AM
And Atma should put it on a good place? Take your time. Nobody can do your work, merits for Nyom Mohan aside he himself.
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

November 03, 2018, 07:27:06 AM
Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann,

Since I do not have much time, I would like to submit the following link.

Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!





 

Johann

November 03, 2018, 07:25:21 AM
Nyom Mohan
 

Johann

November 02, 2018, 01:26:07 PM
Better in Topic itself, Nyom. See here .
 

Cheav Villa

November 02, 2018, 12:53:59 PM
ខ្ញុំ​កូណាមិនយល់ពីពាក្យរបស់ព្រះអង្គទេ
My sleep, my health, my many household, feelings, rememberance, projects, recognitions ... "I want to have time when I'm old and sick ... surely! សូម ព្រះអង្គ ជួ
 

Johann

November 02, 2018, 12:20:25 PM
No problems or demands at all Nyom Villa. All fine for Nyom, there where she is?
 

Cheav Villa

November 02, 2018, 12:17:21 PM
My sleep, my health, my many household, feelings, rememberance, projects, recognitions ... "I want to have time when I am old and sick ... surely! សូមព្រះអង្គជួយពន្យល់ផង
 

Cheav Villa

November 02, 2018, 12:13:05 PM
 :o ខ្ញុំកូណាមេីលច្រលំទៀតហេីយ សូមទោសព្រះអង្គម្តងទៀត  :D
 

Cheav Villa

November 02, 2018, 11:26:23 AM
ខ្ញុំកូណាសូមទោសមិនបានឆ្លីយតបព្រះអង្គ ទាន់ពេលទេីបតែងាកឃេីញ។ ខ្ញុំកូណាចង់ជួយធុងទឹក និងបេីអាចនិងបុកអណ្តូង
 

Johann

November 01, 2018, 10:05:29 AM
May all have/hold an auspicious Uposatha-Sila-Observance day.
 

Johann

October 31, 2018, 03:14:35 PM
"Oh! My sleep, my health, my many household, feelings, rememberance, projects, recognitions...", I will have time when I am old and sick... surely!
 

Johann

October 31, 2018, 03:09:31 PM
in earlier times "Buddhist" would come the day before Sila-day to the monastery and, not going to sleep, after having taken 8 precepts, do 24h merits. "good old times..."  :)
 

Johann

October 31, 2018, 01:50:41 PM
 :) lost... "Zeit hat man nicht, die muß man sich nehmen"
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

October 31, 2018, 01:43:14 PM
Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann,

I agree with you. But I need more time.

Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!
 

Johann

October 31, 2018, 01:25:52 PM
Thinking "in the future" is another lost battle... Nyom: Sieg! . Next minute you could die and what follows Nyom?
 

Johann

October 31, 2018, 01:22:24 PM
Similar to this one, maybe: [Khmer] Anreden, Begrüßung | Forms of adress, Greeting , started as layperson by now Bhante Khemakumara.
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

October 31, 2018, 01:17:50 PM
Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann,

In the future, I will try my best.

Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!
Mohan Barathi Gnanathilake




 

Johann

October 31, 2018, 01:16:37 PM
Where ever people stop to make merits, don't rejoice with it, it will not need long that revolution-desires arise, having gone out of puñña
 

Johann

October 31, 2018, 01:11:17 PM
What about teaching ways of introduction abhivadana, and how to adress monks, behave, speak in monasteries? That would be great in many aspects for Nyom.
 

Johann

October 31, 2018, 01:08:34 PM
Nyom could teach a little Sinhalese, and open a topic. At least such, by thinking and giving into the Sublime Sangha would be of great benefit for Nyom. Not ease to find possibility to make merits, yet surely devotion is also one.
 

Mohan Gnanathilake

October 31, 2018, 12:59:52 PM
Sehr ehrwürdiger Samanera Johann,

Dhamma Grüβe an Sie aus Sri Lanka!

Mohan Barathi Gnanathilake





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