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Talkbox

2019 Sep 22 03:26:27
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 22 02:48:14
Khemakumara: may it be a path-and fruitful Uposatha Day

2019 Sep 22 02:48:14
Khemakumara: may it be a path-and fruitful Uposatha Day

2019 Sep 21 23:53:54
Vithou:  _/\_

2019 Sep 21 13:36:07
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 21 09:37:51
Johann: A blessed and meritful Sila-day those who keep it today.

2019 Sep 20 07:29:23
Johann:  _/\_ Bhante Varado

2019 Sep 19 14:52:03
Johann: Bhante

2019 Sep 19 14:36:44
Khemakumara: Nyom saddhamma

2019 Sep 19 14:35:55
Khemakumara: _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante

2019 Sep 19 09:58:15
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante

2019 Sep 19 04:31:27
Khemakumara: Nyom Cheav Villa

2019 Sep 19 01:47:48
Khemakumara: _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante

2019 Sep 18 16:44:10
Johann:  _/\_ Bhante Ariyadhammika

2019 Sep 18 06:35:53
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Kana, Bhante and kana are well!

2019 Sep 18 06:32:01
Johann: Bhante  _/\_ Is he and Bhante well?

2019 Sep 18 04:25:43
Khemakumara: _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante

2019 Sep 18 04:10:57
Johann: Nyom Villa.

2019 Sep 18 02:48:47
Cheav Villa: Welcome, upasaka sadhamma _/\_

2019 Sep 18 02:47:31
Cheav Villa: Master Moritz _/\_

2019 Sep 18 02:47:15
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 18 01:59:53
Moritz: Good night _/\_

2019 Sep 18 01:59:44
Moritz: _/\_ Bong Villa

2019 Sep 18 01:41:47
Johann: Nyom Moritz

2019 Sep 18 01:30:08
Moritz: Welcome, upasaka sadhamma _/\_

2019 Sep 18 01:29:43
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 14 01:20:37
Johann: (no problem at all) A blessed and meritful conducted Uposatha those observing it today.

2019 Sep 13 16:07:47
Cheav Villa: សុំទោស _/\_

2019 Sep 13 16:06:36
Cheav Villa:  _/\_

2019 Sep 13 15:53:17
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante Varado _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 13 15:51:32
Johann:  _/\_ Bante Varado. Nyom Morotz, Nyom Villa.

2019 Sep 13 15:50:03
Cheav Villa: Master Morit  :) _/\_

2019 Sep 13 15:47:31
Moritz: _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante Varado _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante Johann _/\_ Bong Villa

2019 Sep 13 00:35:39
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 12 20:36:10
Johann: Beyound birth, stand, age, gender, lay or in robes.

2019 Sep 12 20:33:57
Johann: No way for one not gained relation at time.

2019 Sep 12 20:33:01
Johann: Beings, indeed, find only that what they are looking for, and seldom, very seldom, it's related upwatdly, even release in unbond.

2019 Sep 12 17:35:22
Johann: (Delayed) Bhante.

2019 Sep 12 16:16:22
Khemakumara: _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante Johann

2019 Sep 12 16:16:03
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante Varado

2019 Sep 12 10:25:12
Cheav Villa: សូមសុខ សុវត្ថិភាពតាមផ្លូវ _/\_

2019 Sep 12 10:14:50
Chanroth:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ខ្ញុំទៅ v.n​ ដេីម្បីព្យាបាលជម្ងឺក្រពះ របស់ម្ដាយខ្ញុំ

2019 Sep 12 09:45:43
Johann: Bhante. May Bhante look at his Kuti .

2019 Sep 12 09:02:52
Varado: Thanks for fixing that. May you be well.

2019 Sep 12 08:41:30
Varado: Is the Glossary still available for download?

2019 Sep 12 08:26:31
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhate _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ How is Bhante's health?  _/\_  _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 09 13:03:42
Johann:  _/\_ Bhante Varado

2019 Sep 07 11:49:16
Vithou:  _/\_

2019 Sep 07 09:12:43
Chanroth:  :( :( :(

2019 Sep 07 09:11:31
Chanroth:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 07 09:11:27
Chanroth:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 07 01:50:59
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 07 00:53:49
Johann: A meritful Uposatha observance those who undertake it today.

2019 Sep 06 11:58:54
Johann:  _/\_ Bhante. Might have been an auto mail (and not so importand). He could share it in his kuti, if wishing.

2019 Sep 06 11:53:04
Yocakkhuma: There was an email in German I didn't get the meaning..?!

2019 Sep 06 11:49:40
Yocakkhuma: Hi everyone, may all beings be happy

2019 Sep 06 08:29:17
Ieng Puthy: ករុណា ព្រះអង្គ _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 08:08:29
Johann: Atma's health is dhammata, nothing special, Nyom.

2019 Sep 06 08:06:42
Johann: Nyom Buddhi. Mudita that she could access again.

2019 Sep 06 07:41:15
Ieng Puthy:  _/\_How is Bhante health?

2019 Sep 06 07:35:57
Ieng Puthy:  _/\_ អរព្រះគុណ ព្រះអង្គ Vandami Bhante

2019 Sep 06 07:32:24
Ieng Puthy: Chum Reap Sour   _/\_Mr Moritz

2019 Sep 06 07:30:55
Ieng Puthy: ករុណាសូមថ្វាយបង្គំុ Khemakumara Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 07:21:17
Ieng Puthy: Vandami Bhante  _/\_  _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 06:20:55
Johann: mudita

2019 Sep 06 06:01:57
Cheav Villa: Kana Prah Ang, She forgot username' password. And kana had sent her already about the info. _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 05:51:33
Johann: Did Nyom get the email? If any question, she may not hesitate to raise.

2019 Sep 06 04:55:56
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 04:49:44
Johann: It's like practicing Jhana. Importand to remember how to enter, how to leave.

2019 Sep 06 04:47:12
Johann: Ieng Puthy  :) Atma had send Nyom an email for her access datas.

2019 Sep 06 04:39:34
Cheav Villa: She forgot username's password _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 04:35:33
Cheav Villa: Kana had sent her email and password already, she could not accessible _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 04:18:55
Johann: Good. Atma thinks it's easier to make it new and then send an email to Nyom Villa.

2019 Sep 06 04:15:27
Johann: but Atma had send Nyom a PM once, right? Maybe, if Nyom gave her access, she can look into her PM's. again.

2019 Sep 06 04:13:41
Cheav Villa: Kana  _/\_ _/\_  _/\_

2019 Sep 06 04:11:05
Johann: She can either use the link "forgot passwort" and will get an email. Or, if no access to email, Atma could make a new pass word. (My person thought so, that it got lost))

2019 Sep 06 03:07:38
Cheav Villa: Sister Puthy, in this morning asked Kana she forgot her login password into Sangham.net  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 03:06:19
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 01:50:10
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Sep 06 01:45:46
Johann: A pleasing and meritful Uposatha, those observing it today.

2019 Sep 05 12:00:09
Johann: Nyom Moritz

2019 Sep 05 10:10:57
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_

2019 Aug 30 03:50:22
Johann: Seams as if the rain leaves way to make a round

2019 Aug 30 02:34:32
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 30 01:33:20
Johann: and may those observing it today enjoy the rest in doing merits as well

2019 Aug 29 02:10:10
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 29 01:58:34
Johann: An admirable New-moon Uposatha observing all those conducting it today.

2019 Aug 25 15:07:04
Vithou:  _/\_

2019 Aug 23 06:28:14
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 23 06:06:18
Johann: At least here in the vally, people celebrate the Uposatha today. May it be blessed and meritful spend by those taking part.

2019 Aug 22 12:53:30
Cheav Villa:  _/\_

2019 Aug 22 10:04:46
Moritz: Chom reap leah _/\_

2019 Aug 22 10:01:05
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_
Bong Villa _/\_

2019 Aug 21 10:59:03
Johann: May Sukha come to fulfillment, Nyom.

2019 Aug 21 10:44:55
Moritz: Chom reap leah, Bhante _/\_ I have some other stuff to do now and will come back later. _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 21 09:15:49
Johann: Nyom Moritz

2019 Aug 21 08:22:24
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 20 11:46:26
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhante  _/\_  _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 20 11:25:55
Johann: Nyom Villa

2019 Aug 16 12:51:30
Johann: Does she have any technical difficulty? Just because such could be.

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[Buddha]

Author Topic: [Q&A] How should a Buddhist approach honoring parents who abused them?  (Read 659 times)

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Offline Johann

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[Q&A] How should a Buddhist approach honoring parents who abused them?

Quote from: Nyom Sarah asked on BSE
As a Buddhist, we are called upon to honor our mother and father. However, how should this be applied in a situation where parents were abusive, neglectful, and harmful? When engaging the parents is often revictimizing? What are the obligations to parents in this situation? Is it their karma to be not honored because of their actions?

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

Venerable fellows,

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person to share a question and investigate it. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,

 *sgift*

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

Householder Sarah, interested,

a giver (of possibilities, space, birth, material things...) has no obligations toward a receiver. One who has received, how ever has obligations toward the giver.

If someone gives or likes to give something one does not like, actually would harm, there is no need to accept such and to take on it. Once one personal takes on such harmful, one usually tries to give it back. So best simply not taking (personal) if been given something that is harmful.

So both, giver and receiver, have choices, choices to give, take and reject.

As parents have given a lot, not easy ever to repay, it's proper for ones release to look after the bodily and material needs. How ever, it's not possible to pay all back in this way and sometimes one also does not have the means. So if acting great, and skilled, having certain access to the parents in humble ways, the greatest gift a child can give their parents is to patiently turn not so good parents toward good, without being "parently" and know the position one is into.

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

    "Monks, I will teach you the level of a person of no integrity and the level of a person of integrity. Listen & pay close attention. I will speak."

    "As you say, lord," the monks responded.

    The Blessed One said, "Now what is the level of a person of no integrity? A person of no integrity is ungrateful & unthankful. This ingratitude, this lack of thankfulness, is advocated by rude people. It is entirely on the level of people of no integrity. A person of integrity is grateful & thankful. This gratitude, this thankfulness, is advocated by civil people. It is entirely on the level of people of integrity."

    {II,iv,2} "I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."


Aside: it's better to look at ones own duties, ones own actions, then to judge others and it's very unwise to develop ideas to justify not doing ones duties because of other ones former actions (kamma). Once duties are done there is release, release that is not violating and reached by skillful (kusala) means, meaning "right release".

Kamma (action) and vipaka (effect of it) is also not something that works linear, so situations present do not necessary have connection to near actions, not even related to particular people and their actions, but can be long time back, even lifetimes. So one will meet good parents with good children, good parents with bad children, bad parents with good children and bad parents with bad children, but where ever one is, child or parent, good or bad, good to go toward light out of the darkness: AN 4.85: Tamonata Sutta — Darkness (wealth here counts also in regard of ones merits, goodness)

The general duties of a child toward it parents are:

   

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"In five ways, young householder, a child should minister to his parents as the East:

    (i) Having supported me I shall support them, (ii) I shall do their duties, (iii) I shall keep the family tradition, (iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance, (v) furthermore I shall offer alms in honor of my departed relatives.


In regard of duties general: one has never any real duty to act for harm of other beings or for ones own harm (violating the precepts with ones actions). If such is claimed, one can without violating the Dhamma step back form ones contract in this regard.

Some good encouraging talks on gratitude and parents here also attached for ones food in growing:

  •     Parents: Two short Talks on Gratitude
  •     The Lessons of Gratitude
  •     The Right Angle: It’s Never Wrong
  •     Gratitude

    May you all ever dwell with Brahma and don't fall into low states rejecting the bases of right view.

       

    Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

    "Mother and father are said to be Brahma and an earlier god, Children should revere them, for the compassion of the populace The wise should revere and care for them, giving eatables, drinks Clothes, beds, massaging, bathing and washing their feet The wise enjoy attending on their mother and father And later enjoy heavenly bliss."


    A young Upasaka isuru shared an enlightening approach

    Quote from: Upasaka Isuru Gunawardana

    No matter how hard the parents abused you, don't try to do anything against. Only thing you can do is wishing them good(maithree).

    Specially if you pay them the aarya (noble) maithree it will do the best for you and them. And I've seen many people have get the successful results out of this.

    How you do it

    Daily 20-30 mins (if you can do more then do) think this to your self (close your eyes as it helps to concentrate more). You and your parents may attain Nivana (enlightment). Wish this so deeply. Add what ever the necessary facts like things they do good for you and in return you are wishing them Nivana. As Nivana is the only place anyone can get the ultimate happiness. So basically you are wishing them happiness, no matter the way you get treated.

    And as mentioned by Buddha if anyone kill a parent its going to be very bad karma (anantarya papa) that can't get escape. When someone eat poison with or without knowing that it is poison he is going to suffer. Like that the nature is dangerous no matter we know it or not it behaves the way as it supposed to be. So only thing we can be happy about is Nivana. That's why wishing that (the best thing in this universe) to someone who treat you bad will return you good things.

    With Metta!

    Quote from: Johann
    Such would be the mindset of a real son, daughter, of the Buddha, Sakyan putta, after hearing the true Dhamma . Sadhu! Upasaka could add also the The Simile of the Saw to his answer, if wishing so.

    Anumodana punna kusala
« Last Edit: June 17, 2019, 09:12:04 AM by Johann »
This post and Content has come to be by Dhamma-Dana and so is given as it       Dhamma-Dana: Johann

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