[Q&A] How to deal with it, if good or beloved are treaded unfair?How to deal with being ignored?
At work, my mother experiences that she is being ignored by most of her co-workers. She feels isolated and sad. What can she do?
Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.
In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community
, my person tries to answer this question. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.
Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,
(This is a maybe modified and expanded answer of the "original" that can be found
here 
.)
-
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -
Especially in cases where ones "gods" (e.g. teacher, parents, good friends, but also and specially the Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha: those how are real supporters and people of goodness torward one) is treaded unfaily or by wrong judgement it's not an obligatiin to take side in improper ways and even out of ones range, but to stick simply with ones duties torward them. In that frame, the questiin was answered as following:
When thinking goes wrong, one suffers. If one thinks about what he/she does not have, desires for it, developes ideas of "I would have a right", "I deserve that", then misery increases and often unskillful actions in words and deeds follow. Such is a poor person, no matter how much he/she possesses and destinated to poor realms.
If one on the other side thinks in terms of what he/she has, even in terms of what he/she can give and shares the wealth he/she has like one who can, then that person, however less he/she might own, is always a most rich Deva/Devata. No possession of wealth, regard, honor and wellubeing can excel his/her's.
Not knowing much of your particular case, but it's obvious that your mother owns or has got something better, which not many people gain from their child, namely, the care of her daughter.
So try to learn be generous and
think in good ways :
There is the case where a certain person is not covetous. He does not covet the belongings of others, thinking, 'O, that what belongs to others would be mine!' He bears no ill will and is not corrupt in the resolves of his heart. [He thinks,] 'May these beings be free from animosity, free from oppression, free from trouble, and may they look after themselves with ease!' He has right view and is not warped in the way he sees things: 'There is what is given, what is offered, what is sacrificed. There are fruits & results of good & bad actions. There is this world & the next world. There is mother & father. There are spontaneously reborn beings; there are brahmans & contemplatives who, faring rightly & practicing rightly, proclaim this world & the next after having directly known & realized it for themselves.' This is how one is made pure in three ways by mental action."
and give your mother that what really repays what you owe her. And by explaining to her what is right thinking, she will be a wealthy well-regarded person for long long time.
"I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."
That means if even you, as her daughter, got others not to ignore her & brought others to estimate your mother, you would not be able to pay back what you owe her. But if you are able to teach her right thinking, giving, letting go, not to demand: e.g. become a real person by her own, that you gave her what is really hard to gain and a auspicious future for long time.
Having gained the
real treasures one becomes secure. Wealth, regard, praise, well-being... the eight wordily Dhammas, are not for sure.
By Attending to and serving just her good qualities and being careful and respectful to correct that of what is not right and possible seen as ugly on her behalf; you are not only a real good daughter, but a real
admirable friend . A person who does her duties and gains release, step by step. One who serves the Buddha & the gods.
(A nice tiny story comes to mind, maybe able to translate when back from alms)
A son went with his old father to a restaurant for dinner.
His father was already old and weak, soiled his shirt and trousers while eating. Other guest looked annoyed at him while his son remained totally calm.
After he had finished his meal, his son - not having been embarrassed at all by that - brought him to the toilet, removed the garbage of food, cleaned the stains, comb his hair, and adjusted his glasses.
Als they returned the whole restaurant observed them while not saying anything loudly, not able to understand how someone is able to disgrace oneself like this in public.
The son payed the bill and went on torward the exit with his father.
At this moment an older man under the guests called after the son and asked: "You haven't had left something here, have you?"
The son answered: "No, I didn't."
The old man countered: "Of course you have! You leave a lessonfor every son and hope for every father behind."
The guest grow still.
My person thinks that one being a daughter, or any other person in a certain relation that deserves gratitude, will understand the lessons shared here as well, in each certain case.
Here are also the ten ways of subdoing ones anger, ones sadness, ones tears:
"There are these ten ways of subduing hatred. Which ten?
[1] "Thinking, 'He has done me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[2] "Thinking, 'He is doing me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[3] "Thinking, 'He is going to do me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[4] "Thinking, 'He has done harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[5] "Thinking, 'He is doing harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[6] "Thinking, 'He is going to do harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[7] "Thinking, 'He has aided people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[8] "Thinking, 'He is aiding people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[9] "Thinking, 'He is going to aid people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[10] "One does not get worked up over impossibilities.
"These are ten ways of subduing hatred."
Now having cleaned your heart with the Juwels and the tools of the Noble ones, go on, and give a share of that brightness there where it might be dark at this time. For one having falled into darkness, how could he/she be a light. Having taken a real refuge one is no more able to fall into dark.
Mudita with you both rich people, and those having served that the lessons got possible good provided.
(After having written, or while still writing this, Dhammadhatu (Element) "cleaned away the garbage and spots" in the text carefully, meaning he corrected spelling, grammer and son approaches into daughter, silently. And it was up to him that it can be readed more pleasant. He left a sample for all sons and ways of convidence for all fathers behind.)
This duties of help in ones own relation are best mentioned in the duties of a disciple toward his teacher and can be applied for other relatiins as well. The relation of your parents, teacher... are not really yours and itjs mostly not proper, not even possible, to invent into others business being not really included there:
[When outside:]
“If the preceptor is bordering on an offense, (the student) should stop him.[1]
(Mv.I.25.20) “If dissatisfaction (with the holy life) arises in the preceptor, the student should allay it or get someone else to allay it or one should give him a Dhamma talk.
“If anxiety (over his conduct with regard to the rules) arises in the preceptor, the student should dispel it or get someone else to dispel it or one should give him a Dhamma talk.
“If a viewpoint arises in the preceptor, the student should pry it away or get someone else to pry it away or one should give him a Dhamma talk.
(Mv.I.25.21) “If the preceptor has committed an offense against a heavy rule (saṅghādisesa) and deserves probation, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor probation?’
“If the preceptor deserves to be sent back to the beginning, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha send my preceptor back to the beginning?’
“If the preceptor deserves penance, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor penance?’
“If the preceptor deserves rehabilitation, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor rehabilitation?’
(Mv.I.25.22) “If the Saṅgha wants to carry out a transaction against the preceptor — censure, demotion, banishment, reconciliation, or suspension — the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha not carry out that transaction against my preceptor or else change it to a lighter one?’
“But if the transaction — censure, demotion, banishment, reconciliation, or suspension — is carried out against him, the student should make an effort, (thinking,)
“‘How can my preceptor behave properly, lower his hackles, mend his ways, so that the Saṅgha will rescind that transaction?’
This duties are very similar in the other direction of a relation as well.
The main different is that the leading person in an relation has the duty bend to a good:
“A preceptor should support and encourage his student by teaching him, counter-questioning him, teaching him, and admonishing him.
Anumodana!
" eröffnet, dem angehäng.