Virtual Dhamma-Vinaya Vihara
Vihara => Open Vihara - [Offenes Vihara] => Topic started by: Dhammañāṇa on July 28, 2019, 09:03:01 PM
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[Q&A] How to combine Dhamma-practice with being a parent?
Previously answered outward. The questioner was troubled to find a solution between responsibility and assumed carelessness (non-attachment of householders, ignorance).
Householder, parents, interested,
Children, Bullets (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/lib/thai/chah/insimpleterms_en.html)
A gun shoots its children — its bullets — outward. We shoot ours inward, into our heart. When they're good, we're shot in the heart. When they're bad, we're shot in the heart. They're an affair of kamma, our children. There are good ones, there are bad ones, but both the good and bad are our children all the same.
When they're born, look at us: The worse off they are, the more we love them. If one of them comes down with polio and gets crippled, that's the one we love the most. When we leave the house we tell the older ones, "Look after your little sister. Look after this one" — because we love her. When we're about to die we tell them, "Look after her. Look after my child." She's not strong, so you love her even more.
once having received a guest wishing to make use of your offer and depends in many, nearly all regards, on you till able to go on if wishing, it's a great, nearly unrepayable gift of yours, how ever large or small it might be.
Having a guest means not only to to welcome him, but also that it's not ones own, can not be controlled, and will in all cases depart one day.
All you do is a matter of your generosity, free will, and nobody would have an inherent right of your many sacrifies. That being the case, a child has huge (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/tipitaka/an/an02/an02.031.than_en.html) debts and whether seeing or not, parents are the children first Gods (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/tipitaka/an/an04/an04.063.uppa_en.html), sometimes the only.
When ever a child comes proper after his duties toward the parents, it's proper to reward the main duties (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.nara_en.html):
"In five ways, young householder, the parents thus ministered to as the East by their children, show their compassion:
(i) they restrain them from evil,
(ii) they encourage them to do good,
(iii) they train them for a profession,
(iv) they arrange a suitable marriage,
(v) at the proper time they hand over their inheritance to them.
If being not only the first god, but able to give secound, teacher in the world, third, teacher toward heavens, or even the highest, teacher toward liberation, that that of what your child owes to you increases strongly.
The later kind of Gods have certain duties in regard of giving ways to freedom and release and this is something one should mostly focus on, since on day there will be seperating. What can be more of joy for a God as to see his heirs in boundless states, overcome the misseries of bounds.
Even the Lord Buddha, no debts and duties at all, looked always toward this for his children, his monks, and departed on his own last journey only after he knew that his guest could gain of what their wished to attain, right view and the path to liberation.
So no more gift for a guest as to give him/her samples of right view, giving into higher and Sublime and not tending backwards and toward lower.
That's way people with right view, right directed, are not bound by their following, but "pull" them, headed in the right direction, if the guest wish so, toward liberation.
So be really a God for them, someone "liberal" and not someone devoted to lower, bound and worshipping those who actually would owe one much. What ever one gives, one gain: so there is no higher gift as that of giving toward release.
Vines (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/lib/thai/chah/insimpleterms_en.html)
Children are like vines. Wherever a vine sprouts up, it has to look for a tree to climb up. If one tree is 15 centimeters away and another 10 meters away, which tree do you think the vine will climb up? It'll climb up the nearest tree. It's probably not going to climb up the tree 10 meters away because that one is too far off.
In the same way, schoolteachers (much more then parents!) are the people closest to their students (children!). They're the people who children are most likely to take as examples. So it's essential that you schoolteachers have good manners and standards of behavior — in terms of what you should do and should abandon — for children to see. Don't teach them just with your mouths. The way you stand, the way you walk, the way you sit — your every movement, your every word — you have to make into a teaching for the children. They'll follow your example because children are quick to pick things up. They're quicker than adults.
So watch out of what and whom you fall for, venerate and regard as worthy to give into. That will be the foremost orientation your child could gain from you.
No one is more lost if been send of into pseudo liberal orphanage of no orientation.
Good to look that you yourself, do not become again such a heavy burden for many, as suffering comes from what is dear, taking no more birth in any womb, headed to heaven and beyond. Look out the mass fighting and killing for their childs.
The sorrows, lamentations,
the many kinds of suffering in the world,
exist dependent on something dear.
They don't exist
when there's nothing dear.
And thus blissful & sorrowless
are those for whom nothing
in the world is anywhere dear.
So one who aspires
to the stainless & sorrowless
shouldn't make anything
dear
in the world
anywhere. (to sample Buddhas approach to multi-mother Upasika Visākhā)
A little about Upasaka Visaka (http://www.palikanon.com/namen/vy/visaakhaa.htm), one of the Buddhas foremost lay follower, in many regards, and mother, also kind of "Sangha-mother".