How to deal with being ignored?
At work, my mother experiences that she is being ignored by most of her co-workers. She feels isolated and sad. What can she do?
- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -
There is the case where a certain person is not covetous. He does not covet the belongings of others, thinking, 'O, that what belongs to others would be mine!' He bears no ill will and is not corrupt in the resolves of his heart. [He thinks,] 'May these beings be free from animosity, free from oppression, free from trouble, and may they look after themselves with ease!' He has right view and is not warped in the way he sees things: 'There is what is given, what is offered, what is sacrificed. There are fruits & results of good & bad actions. There is this world & the next world. There is mother & father. There are spontaneously reborn beings; there are brahmans & contemplatives who, faring rightly & practicing rightly, proclaim this world & the next after having directly known & realized it for themselves.' This is how one is made pure in three ways by mental action."
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa
"I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."
A son went with his old father to a restaurant for dinner.
His father was already old and weak, soiled his shirt and trousers while eating. Other guest looked annoyed at him while his son remained totally calm.
After he had finished his meal, his son - not having been embarrassed at all by that - brought him to the toilet, removed the garbage of food, cleaned the stains, comb his hair, and adjusted his glasses.
Als they returned the whole restaurant observed them while not saying anything loudly, not able to understand how someone is able to disgrace oneself like this in public.
The son payed the bill and went on torward the exit with his father.
At this moment an older man under the guests called after the son and asked: "You haven't had left something here, have you?"
The son answered: "No, I didn't."
The old man countered: "Of course you have! You leave a lessonfor every son and hope for every father behind."
The guest grow still.
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa
"There are these ten ways of subduing hatred. Which ten?
[1] "Thinking, 'He has done me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[2] "Thinking, 'He is doing me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[3] "Thinking, 'He is going to do me harm. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[4] "Thinking, 'He has done harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[5] "Thinking, 'He is doing harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[6] "Thinking, 'He is going to do harm to people who are dear & pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[7] "Thinking, 'He has aided people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[8] "Thinking, 'He is aiding people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[9] "Thinking, 'He is going to aid people who are not dear or pleasing to me. But what should I expect?' one subdues hatred.
[10] "One does not get worked up over impossibilities.
"These are ten ways of subduing hatred."
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa
[When outside:]
“If the preceptor is bordering on an offense, (the student) should stop him.[1]
(Mv.I.25.20) “If dissatisfaction (with the holy life) arises in the preceptor, the student should allay it or get someone else to allay it or one should give him a Dhamma talk.
“If anxiety (over his conduct with regard to the rules) arises in the preceptor, the student should dispel it or get someone else to dispel it or one should give him a Dhamma talk.
“If a viewpoint arises in the preceptor, the student should pry it away or get someone else to pry it away or one should give him a Dhamma talk.
(Mv.I.25.21) “If the preceptor has committed an offense against a heavy rule (saṅghādisesa) and deserves probation, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor probation?’
“If the preceptor deserves to be sent back to the beginning, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha send my preceptor back to the beginning?’
“If the preceptor deserves penance, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor penance?’
“If the preceptor deserves rehabilitation, the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha grant my preceptor rehabilitation?’
(Mv.I.25.22) “If the Saṅgha wants to carry out a transaction against the preceptor — censure, demotion, banishment, reconciliation, or suspension — the student should make an effort, (thinking,) ‘How can the Saṅgha not carry out that transaction against my preceptor or else change it to a lighter one?’
“But if the transaction — censure, demotion, banishment, reconciliation, or suspension — is carried out against him, the student should make an effort, (thinking,)
“‘How can my preceptor behave properly, lower his hackles, mend his ways, so that the Saṅgha will rescind that transaction?’
1. “It should be understood to be an offense of wrong doing in all cases.” Explaining the meaning, it is said, “In cases like this, even one who is sick doesn’t avoid an offense.” And for one who is not sick who, out of disrespect, doesn’t perform the other duties toward a preceptor that have been discussed, in breaking the duty there is an offense of wrong doing in each case. Thus it will be said, “A student who is not sick, even if he has sixty Rains, should perform all of the duties toward his preceptor. For one not doing them out of disrespect, in breaking the duty, there is (an offense of) wrong doing (see "all duties". And in the sections on what is not to be done, even for one who is sick, performing those actions that are prohibited is likewise (an offense of) wrong doing.”
Commentary: “If he is bordering on an offense, one should stop him”: He is saying something near to the offenses such as (having a lay person recite) Dhamma line by line (BMCI: Pc 4) or (addressing) lewd (words to a woman) (BMCI: Sg 3). “One should stop him.” One should hold him back by asking something like, “Venerable sir, is something like this allowable to say? Is it not an offense? But one should not, (thinking,) “I will hold him back,” say, “Elder, don’t say that.”
“A preceptor should support and encourage his student by teaching him, counter-questioning him, teaching him, and admonishing him.
Aramika