Virtual Dhamma-Vinaya Vihara
Vihara => Open Vihara - [Offenes Vihara] => Topic started by: Dhammañāṇa on July 29, 2019, 12:06:51 PM
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[Q&A] How does a monk address parents and relatives? mom, dad...?
No, householder, such is not proper for one having left home.
Left home, gone for refuge under the Buddha..., at least means to be no more related, now a "son" of the Buddha, relative of the Noble Ones. One how is related to particular family is hardly worthy of gift. Sure, that state is only perfect once one has reached the stream. Theoretical, or at optimun, one leaving home, has at least reached the path of Once returner, already developing the Samadhi section ogf the path. So:
He would address them proper like he would address other laypeople. Householder, good man, Brahman... Here in Cambodia the usual adressing of householders by monks is Nyom (Ñom(a)), as a polite and proper third person approach when speaking direct. For mother and father, Nyom would be attached with male and female and understanding would come from attentive following the context. Speaking about third people, Upasaka, Upasika or Nyom attached with name, male or female, would be used.
Speaking general about lay people "householders" would be used. Often the use of Buddha-Parisatas (gathering around the Buddha) would be used to speak about lay or mixed groups.
It's a special hard issue for modern and wester people, even more hard to bear for those strongly marxistic influenced and/or be-favored by monks seeking after followers, something very wrong and trading introduced to non-traditional societies. Pretty annoying for devoted followers who have joy to keep their objects reminding on their refuge in Sublime position.
One might be more interested in matters of respect, fundamental important for a real refuge and to grow toward such: Respect and veneration, apacāyana (http://forum.sangham.net/index.php/topic,2015.msg13980.html#post_ea3)
Kandarayana Sutta (http://zugangzureinsicht.org/html/tipitaka/an/an02/an02.038.than_en.html)
..."Brahman, the Blessed One — the one who knows, the one who sees, worthy & rightly self-awakened — has declared the level of one who is venerable and the level of one who is a youngster. Even if one is venerable — 80, 90, 100 years old — yet if one partakes of sensuality, lives in the midst of sensuality, burns with sensual fever, is chewed up by sensual thoughts, and is eager in the search for sensuality, then one is reckoned simply as a young fool, not an elder.
"But if one is a youngster, youthful — a black-haired young person endowed with the blessings of youth in the first stage of life — yet does not partake of sensuality, does not live in the midst of sensuality, does not burn with sensual fever, is not chewed up by sensual thoughts, and is not eager in the search for sensuality, then one is reckoned as a wise elder."
When this was said, Kandarayana the brahman rose up from his seat, arranged his cloak over one shoulder, and bowed down at the feet of the monks who were youngsters, [saying,] "You, sirs, are the venerable ones, standing on the level of those who are venerable. We are the youngsters, standing on the level of those who are youngsters.
How ever, not to be mistaken! Wise praise the gratitude and support toward parents and in this manner the Buddha gave many allowances to uphold this. Near relatives are also the only lay people which a Bhikkhu would be allowed to adress in need, if wishing. He may also leave even Vassa (rain retreat) for seven days for his patents and siblings. And he would be allowed to share what is given to him in faith to support parants in need.
Since a general gard to bear topic, that of not equal or even contrary usuals, one should not hesitage to ask further, best here, on this matter, most are scared to take on it, living often in improper dependency of lay people communities, fearing worldly and support disadvantages.