How to stop comparing oneself with others?
I'm wondering how Buddhism deals with the comparison of oneself with others, and I'm specifically thinking in terms of accomplishments. For example, I have usually had some success in art fields in my life. I now am in a setting where many people have similar, or greater talent. I can't help but compare myself to them, and this causes suffering.
Similarly, I tend to compare myself to others generally, in many ways. I am aware it is bad to do so, but I cannot help myself in engaging in that process.
Is there any way to make the comparisons cease? What does Buddhism teach about this?
If comparing is conceit, many of the answers to How are 'conceit' and 'identity-view' not the same? (https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/9415/254) seem to advocate merely watching mindfully the arising and passing away of the aggregates to extinguish conceit. Would this be the recognized ways of diminishing the presence of conceit?
If any practice could be recommended it would be much appreciated.
Thank you for any reply.'
- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -
The treasure of conviction, the treasure of virtue, the treasure of conscience, the treasure of concern, the treasure of listening, the treasure of generosity, the treasure of discernment...
Further to Samana Johann's answer, I wanted to add...
Buddhism does have things to say about comparing oneself with others.
I think that it (i.e. the Buddhism which I understand from the Pali canon) recommends that you should compare, that you should be discriminating (about whether people are good or bad), that you should try to associate with good people; emulate and learn from, follow, good people; avoid bad people, and so on.
In advice to lay-people, for example, there's this answer (https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/a/7760/254) about choosing a marriage partner. And there's the Sigalovada Sutta (http://www.accesstoinsight.eu/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.ksw0_en.html) which has a long section about good and bad friends.
And, in advice for spiritual development, there's the concept of the admirable friend (http://www.accesstoinsight.eu/ptf/dhamma/sacca/sacca4/samma-ditthi/kalyanamittata_en.html), for example:- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -
As he was sitting there, Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."
"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & colleagues, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.
In the answers to How are 'conceit' and 'identity-view' not the same? (https://buddhism.stackexchange.com/q/9415/254) people said that "comparing" is a symptom of "conceit" ... and that conceit is one of the very last fetters (I won't try to explain that now).
But I think it's worth noting that "conceit" seems to be explicitly identified as essential, in one of the suttas, the Bhikkhuni Sutta (http://www.accesstoinsight.eu/tipitaka/an/an04/an04.159.than_eu.html):- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -
'This body comes into being through conceit. And yet it is by relying on conceit that conceit is to be abandoned.'
Thus was it said. And in reference to what was it said? There is the case, sister, where a monk hears,'The monk named such-and-such, they say, through the ending of the fermentations, has entered & remains in the fermentation-free awareness-release & discernment-release, having known & realized them for himself in the here & now.'
The thought occurs to him,'The monk named such-and-such, they say, through the ending of the fermentations, has entered & remains in the fermentation-free awareness-release & discernment-release, having known & realized them for himself in the here & now. Then why not me?'
Then he eventually abandons conceit, having relied on conceit.'This body comes into being through conceit. And yet it is by relying on conceit that conceit is to be abandoned.'
Thus was it said, and in reference to this was it said.
If I can interpret it, a thought like "Why not me?" and "I can compare myself to him" or "I am or should or could like him, and do or behave as he does" is what makes it conceit.
What makes it useful is, as mentioned in Samana Johann's answer ...wise one puts also the factor "in what way was this gained"
... in other words you ask yourself, how is it that this person who I admire has attained that admirable state? So in the sutta I quoted, for example, the thought-train includes understanding how the other person did it ("through the ending of the fermentations") and thus sees what needs to be done in order to be successful.
Also you wrote,QuoteI now am in a setting where many people have similar, or greater talent. I can't help but compare myself to them, and this causes suffering.
I guess you're talking about jealousy or envy or something like that.
There is another doctrine in Buddhism, i.e. the Brahma-viharas (http://www.accesstoinsight.eu/lib/authors/nyanaponika/wheel006_en.html):QuoteThese four attitudes are said to be excellent or sublime because they are the right or ideal way of conduct towards living beings (sattesu samma patipatti). They provide, in fact, the answer to all situations arising from social contact. They are the great removers of tension, the great peace-makers in social conflict, and the great healers of wounds suffered in the struggle of existence. They level social barriers, build harmonious communities, awaken slumbering magnanimity long forgotten, revive joy and hope long abandoned, and promote human brotherhood against the forces of egotism.
The Brahma-viharas are incompatible with a hating state of mind, ...
In this case I'm thinking especially of mudita (http://www.accesstoinsight.eu/lib/authors/various/wheel170en.html) i.e. taking joy in someone else's being happy or skillful or successful; for example:QuoteWhen unselfish joy grows, many noxious weeds in the human heart will die a natural death (or will, at least, shrink): jealousy and envy, ill will in various degrees and manifestations, cold-heartedness, miserliness (also in one's concern for others), and so forth.
I expect that mudita can be developed or brought into being by conscious meditation, i.e. people practice "metta-bhavana" meditation and you might presumably practice "mudita-bhavana" too.
This doesn't answer the question at all, of how to stop comparing yourself. Instead it talks about how to make use of it, and how to live with it.