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Topic Summary

Posted by: Johann
« on: February 14, 2018, 11:13:54 AM »

I want to leave my mother

As I just starting to learn about Buddhism and the methods of be free from samsara. I have confusion about my relationship and my mother. I am 24 yo now- I feel like I have enough of being used by my mother. When I was 1 week old she gave me to another family to look after. She paid them tho. She never taking care of all my siblings inc me. She is sex worker and my dad was a lazy man who did nothing but spend my mother money. Instead of saving money for her kids, she went to another island with young guys to spend the money from properties etc. she sold me (not technically) to 50yo man who is her client,but he didn’t know that I was her daughter. She asked me to go there AGAIN after the sexual assault happen a day before, just to get a phone that he willing to give for an apology of his behaviour, but he did it again. My mom laughed and disgust when i told her what happened.

When I started to build up my life on my own, she know I have more money than all my other siblings so she asked me to send and give her money(weekly or monthly). The money goes somewhere, I dunno where but it’s a lot for food expenses. Now I am in Australia studying with my hard work and she still depend on me to live, just like what she did in her whole life. Instead of giving up on her, I show her the good path n to become a better person but she always says “I was born like this, it’s a habit, don’t tell me what’s wrong n right, cause I know” over and over again.

Last month, she asked for my help and I don’t have anything cause I just pay my school but she doesn’t understand so I asked my friends for help, and she said “it’s embarrassing to have a daughter who live in another country, but can’t support her mother” so I just said to her,”enough, enough doing this to me, if you believe what you believe is right then keep doing that, but I don’t want to be part of it” and I never call or text her since.

I truly don’t want to be in her life anymore, she is 50yo. She had 3x stroke and she stil doesn’t changes. I accept the way she is but I don’t her to be part of my life, I don’t care if someday I live on the street again, as long as she stop to using me.

What should I do ??? Try again ?? I forgive her. Should I back and apologise because I choose my happiness?? I need a spiritual answer ! I’m lost.

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person tries to answer this question. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,

 *sgift*





Young woman, your current situation like before as well, is not for sure, can chance even that very moment. So when ever there is something possible to be given, give, at least, just what is given is not lost while short comfort is. How much has been given to you? What can be said as having gained without suffering and sacrifies by others at fist place? Not anything, or?

What ever you can do and give without doing something wrong for the sake of your parents is good done. What ever does neither harm one self nor others is always good to use to share. What ever is gained proper and is rightly yours: gain and share with best wishes.

Once one has been worse, not a little aware of what has been given without any real need to do it, not even to carry for month, give body and birth. Even if not perfect as it could be, one owes much, not easy to repay.

Don't fall into arrogance and greed or even without proper gratidude (as so many people easy become when they are or feel more securce then their previous supporters, yet forgetting that their situation now is also not a lasting, not sure) and it's not wrong to give back with joy and even with more wisdom as having been given.

 

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"Monks, I will teach you the level of a person of no integrity and the level of a person of integrity. Listen & pay close attention. I will speak."

"As you say, lord," the monks responded.

The Blessed One said, "Now what is the level of a person of no integrity? A person of no integrity is ungrateful & unthankful. This ingratitude, this lack of thankfulness, is advocated by rude people. It is entirely on the level of people of no integrity. A person of integrity is grateful & thankful. This gratitude, this thankfulness, is advocated by civil people. It is entirely on the level of people of integrity."

{II,iv,2} "I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."


See also: MN 110; SN 7.14; AN 4.73; Iti 106.

One who gives is never poor while even the riches person without real generosity and lack of gratidute is the most poor person in this world.

Who do you like to be? A rich outwardly or a real rich who does not care of what people without integrity might think and say? It's all of your choice, short and cheap happiness or a heart at peace, fulfilled it's obligations and at lasting joy in remembering his/her gratitude, generosity and virtue, equal the Devas and great men.

Be aware that you ask here in an enviroment of people with grave wrong view even suggesting foolish or bad thing in the name of Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha, so generally you must be very gifted not to simply follow fools advocating in accordiance with also you own defilements and tenencies to greed, aversion and delution.

One feeling deeply obligated to ones parents, even if a mass of fools laugh at it, even if meeting many burdens, is by far more secure to gain real wealth as the modern and western fools, how ever sucessful they might appear for now.

 

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"These three things have been promulgated by wise people, by people of integrity. Which three? Generosity... going-forth [from the home life]... & service to one's mother & father. These three things have been promulgated by wise people, by people of integrity."
Quote from: AN 3.45

No one fails in recognize someone with even slight doubts "but" and "if's" in this regard as fools and one does always good to avoid them like fire and poision.

 

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

  • "To support one's father and mother; to cherish one's wife and children, and to be engaged in peaceful occupations — this is the highest blessing.
  • "Liberality, righteous conduct, rendering assistance to relatives, and performance of blameless deeds — this is the highest blessing.

So it's up to you of whom you go after: those who abound their parents and previous supporters by their systems in rest houses, leave them up to others or people of integrity and still functioning society, carrying and having a heart, feeling obligated for even small gifts.

It's easy and quick managed to join into the foolish-hood.


Here are some usefull teaching in general on this topic:
 
Quote
A starter into Dhamma is gratitude and without it, there is no progress on the path, mostly even no reason to seek for the path.

Look at certain, even most answers here and if a little wise you may find out in what ugly society you actually have found yourself. If not seeing know yourself as having become or be another with less hope.

Western or modern minded people, being not blessed to live among people with even basic right view, especially those "Vipassana-householders" with no gratitude and virtue at all, are not capable to even grasp basics no matter how much they might learn, know or practice with corrupted hearts and lack of any real integrity and good principles.

 
Quote
Gratitude is a sign of a good person. And it is an attitude that gives rise to more goodness within us... Karma & Gratitude

At least, to some aspects of your qiestion and if willing to be or become a good friend for all others, you may consider marks of good people also here:

 

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

"A friend endowed with these three qualities is worth associating with. Which three? He/she gives what is hard to give, does what is hard to do, endures (pardon) what is hard to endure (pardon). A friend endowed with these three qualities is worth associating with."

— AN 3.133
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Johann
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Johann

Today at 12:34:06 PM
Hat Nyom Marcel schon eine Khmer Tastatur installiert?
 

Johann

Today at 12:32:21 PM
So ist das. Wenn Nahrung aufgebraucht, dann ist da für eine Weile Ende, und Wiedergeboren, es wieder brennen wird. Zum endgültigen legen des Feuers sind wir hier, oder? Pfau ruft, Gecko balzt, alles in Ordnung, oder?
 

Marcel

Today at 12:16:35 PM
 :-* ehrwürdiger bhante johann, letzte nacht davon geträumt, dass es beim ashram brennt!!
ich hoffe, das feuer hat sich gelegt  :-*
 

Johann

Today at 11:43:37 AM
Nyom Marcel.
 

Johann

Today at 09:08:57 AM
Sadhu!
 

Maria

Today at 08:49:51 AM
Möge Regen kommen und alle beschützt werden
 

Johann

Today at 01:59:08 AM
Sadhu!
 

Marcel

Today at 01:04:19 AM
ich  wünsche einen verdienstvollen uposatha!! all jende für morgen auch einen hervorragenden uposatha!!!
 :-* :-* :-*
 

Johann

February 19, 2018, 06:00:04 PM
Much joy and releasing touches here, Nyom Chris, my person will leave for today, befor it becomes tomorrow, and rest a little.
 

Johann

February 14, 2018, 03:57:33 PM
Sadhu, auch jenen, die ihn morgen, auch Chinesisches Neujahrsfest, begehen, einhalten.
 

Marcel

February 14, 2018, 01:37:51 PM
einen verdienstvollen uposatha allen!!!
 

Johann

February 10, 2018, 12:31:09 PM
Sadhu! Mag er fruchtvoll verlaufen sein. Gerade wieder Möglichkeit erhalten, in dieser Welt hier beizutragen.
 

Marcel

February 08, 2018, 12:46:43 PM
 :-* :-* :-* ich wünsche allen einen verdienstvollen uposatha  :-* :-* :-*
 

Marcel

February 05, 2018, 02:19:14 PM

 :-* :-* :-* sadhu,sadhu,sadhu

 :-* :-* :-*
 

Johann

February 02, 2018, 12:38:06 PM
Sadhu
Meinereiner ist so schnell ie noch nie genesen. Die Symptome des Befalls nur 2 Tage, und die üblichen 5 Tage um das Medikament zu überstehen. Atma ist gerade wohl auf und auch das ist wie für alle nicht sicher. Nutze den Tag heißt vorallem über Alter, Krankheit und Tod, wie Alternative z
 

Sophorn

January 31, 2018, 08:34:45 AM
 :-* :-* :-*
Möge sich Bhante wieder schnell vondem Malariaschub erholen!  :-* :-* :-*
 

Johann

January 24, 2018, 04:49:45 PM
Nyom Moritz
 

Moritz

January 24, 2018, 04:48:30 PM
Namasakara, Bhante _/\_
 

Marcel

January 24, 2018, 12:46:37 PM
 :-* ehrwürdiger bhante johann  :-*
 

Johann

January 24, 2018, 12:10:15 PM
Nyom Marcel.
 

Johann

January 24, 2018, 07:27:24 AM
Nyom Jens.
 

Johann

January 24, 2018, 05:39:37 AM
Nächste Woche ist ja schon Magha-puja, doch Ovāda-pāṭimokkha Gāthā ist ja etwas Zeitloses. Ajahn Lees Dhamma für Jedermann .
 

Moritz

January 24, 2018, 12:41:03 AM
Namasakara Bhante _/\_

Einen verdienstvollen Uposatha allen.
_/\_
 

Marcel

January 23, 2018, 10:31:51 PM
 :-* natürlich auch ein verdienstvollen uposatha in allen anderren welten  :-*
 

Marcel

January 23, 2018, 06:00:44 PM
 :-* einen verdienstvollen Uposatha wünsche ich allen in kambodscha  :-*
 

Marcel

January 23, 2018, 05:27:00 PM
 :-*sadhu ehrwürdiger bhante johann!!! :-*
 

Johann

January 23, 2018, 05:25:01 PM
Atma wird sich zurückziehen, werte Herren. Mögen Sie sich noch gerne austauschen und kennenlernen. Nyom Marcel hilft sicher gerne weiter. Und nicht vergessen Ihre Verdienste noch zu teilen.

Chamreoun bho (möge sich Wohl mehren)
 

Johann

January 21, 2018, 01:39:10 PM
Sadhu!
 

Sophorn

January 20, 2018, 04:03:38 PM
 :-* :-* :-*
Mögen alle Lebewesen frei von Leid sein!
Mögen alle guten Wünsche vielfach zu den Wünschern zurückkommen.
 :-* :-* :-*
 

Moritz

January 20, 2018, 01:29:11 AM
_/\_
 

Johann

January 19, 2018, 11:14:34 AM
Sokh chomreoun, Nyom (, verspätet, Zeile meist eingeklappt, wohl ein Browser - cookie Fehler)
 

Moritz

January 19, 2018, 05:35:24 AM
_/\_ Namasakara, Bhante
_/\_
 

Johann

January 18, 2018, 05:06:38 AM
..wäre es nicht passend "Gestehen" anzunehmen, selbes Ups habend. Jedoch ist es in dem Fall ja noch gut gegangen und daher Grund für gemeinsames "gerade noch" und Mudita. Gut das gewisse Verbindungen und Wahrnehmen nicht abreißt (reißen kann) und absehbar passiert.
 

Johann

January 18, 2018, 05:02:41 AM
Atma war, aus irgend einem Grund, fest überzeugt, das gestern Uposatha sein sollte, trotzdem er am Almosengang gar Laien in Wat ziehen sah (denkend, gut auch heute an punna teilzunehmen). Selbigem Thema gegegnend, sah Atma nach und mußte feststellen, das bereits der 16. war. So zu diesem Ausmaß (
 

Moritz

January 17, 2018, 10:36:54 PM
 

Johann

January 17, 2018, 01:08:49 PM
Und gestern? Übersehen, oder verdienstvoll?
 

Sophorn

January 09, 2018, 07:48:37 AM
 :-* :-* :-*
sadhu. anumodana.
 :-* :-* :-*
 

Johann

January 09, 2018, 01:51:15 AM
Sadhu! Anumodana!
 

Marcel

January 09, 2018, 01:39:30 AM
 :-*allen ein verdienstvollen uposatha :-*
 

Johann

January 03, 2018, 11:42:34 AM
ធម្មតា ញោម។ Dhammatā, Ñoma.
 

Marcel

January 03, 2018, 10:39:23 AM
 :-* បាទ :-*  អរគុណ :-*  ខ្ញុំសុខសបាយជាទទអរគុណ  :-* ehrwürdiger bhante, ja mir geht es gut! ich hab mich er-holt!  wie geht es ihnen?  :-*
 

Johann

January 03, 2018, 10:30:20 AM
Marcel. Er- oder besser vielleicht Entholt und Verdaut?
 

Marcel

January 03, 2018, 10:24:49 AM
 :-* :-* :-*
 

Chanroth

January 02, 2018, 04:59:02 AM
សាធុសាធុ :-*
 

Johann

January 01, 2018, 02:05:59 PM
Sokh chomreuon, Nyom.
 

Chanroth

January 01, 2018, 12:36:03 PM
 :-* :-* :-*Karuna tvay bongkum
 

Johann

January 01, 2018, 12:42:33 AM
Einen freidvollen und erkenntnisreichen Vollmond Uposatha, am ersten Tag des Jahres.
 

Johann

December 31, 2017, 05:59:48 PM
Also hier spricht man nun schon von Wiedergeburt 2018.
 

Maria

December 30, 2017, 10:19:57 AM
Danke, wird weitergegeben und ebenfalls die besten Wünsche retour
 

Johann

December 30, 2017, 10:12:19 AM
Beste Wünsche und Grüße in den Kreis der Familien, Freunde und Lieben und möge man viel Zeit mit den Älteren, guten Gönnern und Weisen verbringen, sich nicht zu sehr Panalem hingeben.

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