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Talkbox

2019 Aug 16 12:51:30
Johann: Does she have any technical difficulty? Just because such could be.

2019 Aug 16 12:50:14
Johann: Nyom Anneliese

2019 Aug 15 04:29:20
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Sadhu

2019 Aug 15 03:49:34
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 15 00:36:44
Johann: A blessed full moon Upusatha and much joy in merits

2019 Aug 11 14:35:01
Mohan Gnanathilake: Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann, Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka! Sehr ehrwürdiger Samanera Johann, Dhamma Grüße an Sie aus Sri Lanka!

2019 Aug 11 14:32:29
Mohan Gnanathilake: Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann, Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2019 Aug 11 14:14:46
Johann: Nyom Mohan

2019 Aug 11 07:32:16
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 11 01:15:57
Johann: Nothing much burdensome this time, Nyom Villa.

2019 Aug 10 16:42:46
Cheav Villa: How is Bhante health?  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 10 16:28:44
Cheav Villa: Vandami Bhante _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 10 15:04:44
Johann: Nyom Vithou, Nyom Villa

2019 Aug 08 02:03:56
Cheav Villa: Sadhu Sadhu  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 08 01:32:20
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ sadhu

2019 Aug 08 00:29:15
Johann: A blessed Uposatha-Sila-observation day and much recoicing with ones beauty investments and gains.

2019 Aug 03 01:35:23
Johann: Nyom Moritz

2019 Aug 03 01:09:55
Moritz: (or morning...)

2019 Aug 03 01:09:31
Moritz: Good evening, Bhante _/\_

2019 Aug 02 08:54:49
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 02 07:30:06
Johann: Once really going for refuge, such is ensured.

2019 Aug 02 07:28:16
Johann: Sadhu, Sadhu

2019 Aug 02 07:04:04
Cheav Villa: May all suffering being healed under the refuge of the three gems _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Aug 02 05:36:31
Cheav Villa:  _/\_

2019 Aug 02 05:28:41
Moritz: (going to sleep now) _/\_

2019 Aug 02 05:28:24
Moritz: _/\_

2019 Aug 02 05:28:21
Moritz: Good morning, Bhante, bong Villa!

2019 Aug 02 01:37:32
Johann: Nyom Moritz

2019 Aug 02 01:32:14
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_

2019 Jul 31 12:20:23
Johann: Nyom Moritz

2019 Jul 31 12:02:09
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_

2019 Jul 31 12:01:42
Moritz: _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 31 04:38:59
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 31 01:32:33
Johann: Sadhu

2019 Jul 31 01:12:19
Khemakumara: May all have a meritful, fruitful full moon uposatha

2019 Jul 31 01:09:55
Khemakumara: May the Buddha Parisā live  united, in harmony,  in accordance with the dhamma vinaya of the Buddha.

2019 Jul 30 15:48:19
Johann: Upasaka Jens

2019 Jul 29 05:58:57
Johann: Dhammata, Nyom

2019 Jul 28 19:00:12
Vithou: Everything fine with me. What about Bhante?  _/\_

2019 Jul 28 18:58:39
Vithou: kana bhante.

2019 Jul 28 16:26:30
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 28 16:19:49
Johann: Over 1100 fine material visitor at the same time. Mudita and a blessed mindful night.

2019 Jul 28 14:14:10
Johann: over 700 "Devas" following Nyom Villa currently here  :) maybe they will reach 1000 today.

2019 Jul 27 17:54:39
Johann: Nyom Vithou. Everthing fine for him?

2019 Jul 27 17:44:50
Vithou:  _/\_

2019 Jul 27 16:20:40
Johann: Upasaka Vinz

2019 Jul 24 23:34:36
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 24 13:21:25
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Sadhu

2019 Jul 24 13:10:12
Johann: May all spend a blessed Sila day

2019 Jul 19 17:04:51
Johann: Master Moritz. Much joy with good undertakings.

2019 Jul 19 17:01:59
Moritz: and off to work _/\_

2019 Jul 19 17:01:42
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_

2019 Jul 16 09:09:25
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ sadhu

2019 Jul 16 02:34:51
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 16 01:43:24
Johann: A meritful and joyful Fullmoo Uposatha obervance today!

2019 Jul 10 05:42:38
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Sadhu

2019 Jul 10 02:06:05
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 10 02:02:27
Johann: May all spend a blessed Sila-day today, engaging much in good deeds.

2019 Jul 09 11:04:55
Johann: A meritful rest of Sila-day, those who observe it today.

2019 Jul 07 06:03:30
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 06 14:38:48
Mohan Gnanathilake: Dear The Most Reverend Samanera Johann, Dhamma Greetings from Sri Lanka!

2019 Jul 06 14:38:26
Mohan Gnanathilake: Sehr ehrwürdiger Samanera Johann, Dhamma Grüße an Sie aus Sri Lanka!                                                                                                                                 

2019 Jul 06 14:11:36
Johann: Nyom Mohan

2019 Jul 06 13:15:40
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 06 13:03:25
Johann: Kana will try to send the other half of bag as well as "tnam luvin".

2019 Jul 06 12:57:40
Johann: Half the bag, 7 pills, leaded fast to cure.

2019 Jul 06 12:56:05
Johann: Kana wondered about eye and head ache, later reading that viruse, if on head, easy can damage both.

2019 Jul 06 12:54:26
Johann: Kana had to use anti-biotica (augumentine) of which was still left

2019 Jul 06 12:29:25
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ good state of mind.  The infection of the skin isn't already healed but getting better day by day.

2019 Jul 06 12:18:09
Johann: Bhante. Already good healthy again?

2019 Jul 06 12:12:21
Khemakumara: Nyom Cheav Villa

2019 Jul 06 12:11:55
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Bhante Johann

2019 Jul 06 11:46:47
Khemakumara: Nyom Vinz

2019 Jul 06 06:21:33
Johann: Sokh chomreoun Nyom

2019 Jul 06 04:29:33
Cheav Villa: ថ្វាយបង្គំព្រះអង្គ _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 05 12:27:20
Johann: Sadhu

2019 Jul 05 07:51:59
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 05 06:52:40
Khemakumara: Today isn't a"full moon"uposatha,  but nevertheless it can be also a"full heart"day of observance and sila.

2019 Jul 04 16:42:58
Moritz: Bong Villa _/\_

2019 Jul 04 16:22:16
Moritz: Vandami Bhante _/\_

2019 Jul 02 04:43:47
Khemakumara:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ Sadhu, Sadhu

2019 Jul 02 02:04:50
Johann: A blessed and meritful new-moon Uposatha

2019 Jul 01 06:43:03
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jul 01 04:09:06
Johann: May those undertaking the Uposatha today spend the new-moon joyfull with much merits.

2019 Jun 26 01:07:18
Johann: Good to hear

2019 Jun 25 16:22:42
Cheav Villa: ជំរាបសួរបងស្រី Norum  :D _/\_

2019 Jun 25 12:48:21
Vithou:  _/\_

2019 Jun 25 05:02:43
Cheav Villa:  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jun 25 01:34:59
Johann: May all spend a blessed meritful Sila observing day today

2019 Jun 25 01:34:36
Johann: May all spend a blessed meritful Sila observing day today

2019 Jun 25 01:34:17
Johann: May all spend a blessed meritful Sila observing day today

2019 Jun 23 19:01:54
Vithou:  _/\_

2019 Jun 17 10:19:29
Johann: Bhante Khemakumara. Everything fine, health? Can he walk like before already?

2019 Jun 17 06:34:44
Johann: Sadhu, Sadhu

2019 Jun 17 03:56:38
Cheav Villa: សាធុ សាធុ _/\_ _/\_ _/\_

2019 Jun 17 00:46:14
Khemakumara: May all have a joy-full and fruit-full  Uposatha full-moon day

2019 Jun 15 17:53:43
Cheav Villa: កូណាព្រះអង្គទាំងអស់គ្នាសុខទុក្ខធម្មតា ទាំងសុខភាពឈឺ ជា មិនទៀងទាត់  _/\_ _/\_ _/\_ ស្រីមុខក្រញ៉ូវ គាត់មានសុខភាពល្អជា

2019 Jun 15 13:03:21
Johann: All health?

2019 Jun 15 13:02:56
Johann: Nyom Muk-kamau?

2019 Jun 15 13:01:36
Johann: And own well-being, family?

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Author Topic: [Q&A] How should a Buddhist approach honoring parents who abused them?  (Read 607 times)

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Offline Johann

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  • Date of ordination/Datum der Ordination.: 20140527
[Q&A] How should a Buddhist approach honoring parents who abused them?

Quote from: Nyom Sarah asked on BSE
As a Buddhist, we are called upon to honor our mother and father. However, how should this be applied in a situation where parents were abusive, neglectful, and harmful? When engaging the parents is often revictimizing? What are the obligations to parents in this situation? Is it their karma to be not honored because of their actions?

Venerable members of the Sangha,
walking in front Fellows in leading the holly life.

  _/\_  _/\_  _/\_

Venerable fellows,

In Respect of the Triple Gems, Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha, in Respect of the Elders of the community  _/\_ , my person to share a question and investigate it. Please, may all knowledgeable Venerables and Dhammika, out of compassion, correct my person, if something is not correct and fill also graps, if something is missing.

Valued Upasaka, Upasika, Aramika(inis),
dear Readers and Visitors,

 *sgift*

- Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa -

Householder Sarah, interested,

a giver (of possibilities, space, birth, material things...) has no obligations toward a receiver. One who has received, how ever has obligations toward the giver.

If someone gives or likes to give something one does not like, actually would harm, there is no need to accept such and to take on it. Once one personal takes on such harmful, one usually tries to give it back. So best simply not taking (personal) if been given something that is harmful.

So both, giver and receiver, have choices, choices to give, take and reject.

As parents have given a lot, not easy ever to repay, it's proper for ones release to look after the bodily and material needs. How ever, it's not possible to pay all back in this way and sometimes one also does not have the means. So if acting great, and skilled, having certain access to the parents in humble ways, the greatest gift a child can give their parents is to patiently turn not so good parents toward good, without being "parently" and know the position one is into.

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

    "Monks, I will teach you the level of a person of no integrity and the level of a person of integrity. Listen & pay close attention. I will speak."

    "As you say, lord," the monks responded.

    The Blessed One said, "Now what is the level of a person of no integrity? A person of no integrity is ungrateful & unthankful. This ingratitude, this lack of thankfulness, is advocated by rude people. It is entirely on the level of people of no integrity. A person of integrity is grateful & thankful. This gratitude, this thankfulness, is advocated by civil people. It is entirely on the level of people of integrity."

    {II,iv,2} "I tell you, monks, there are two people who are not easy to repay. Which two? Your mother & father. Even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder & your father on the other shoulder for 100 years, and were to look after them by anointing, massaging, bathing, & rubbing their limbs, and they were to defecate & urinate right there [on your shoulders], you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. If you were to establish your mother & father in absolute sovereignty over this great earth, abounding in the seven treasures, you would not in that way pay or repay your parents. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, they nourish them, they introduce them to this world. But anyone who rouses his unbelieving mother & father, settles & establishes them in conviction; rouses his unvirtuous mother & father, settles & establishes them in virtue; rouses his stingy mother & father, settles & establishes them in generosity; rouses his foolish mother & father, settles & establishes them in discernment: To this extent one pays & repays one's mother & father."


Aside: it's better to look at ones own duties, ones own actions, then to judge others and it's very unwise to develop ideas to justify not doing ones duties because of other ones former actions (kamma). Once duties are done there is release, release that is not violating and reached by skillful (kusala) means, meaning "right release".

Kamma (action) and vipaka (effect of it) is also not something that works linear, so situations present do not necessary have connection to near actions, not even related to particular people and their actions, but can be long time back, even lifetimes. So one will meet good parents with good children, good parents with bad children, bad parents with good children and bad parents with bad children, but where ever one is, child or parent, good or bad, good to go toward light out of the darkness: AN 4.85: Tamonata Sutta — Darkness (wealth here counts also in regard of ones merits, goodness)

The general duties of a child toward it parents are:

   

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

"In five ways, young householder, a child should minister to his parents as the East:

    (i) Having supported me I shall support them, (ii) I shall do their duties, (iii) I shall keep the family tradition, (iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance, (v) furthermore I shall offer alms in honor of my departed relatives.


In regard of duties general: one has never any real duty to act for harm of other beings or for ones own harm (violating the precepts with ones actions). If such is claimed, one can without violating the Dhamma step back form ones contract in this regard.

Some good encouraging talks on gratitude and parents here also attached for ones food in growing:

  •     Parents: Two short Talks on Gratitude
  •     The Lessons of Gratitude
  •     The Right Angle: It’s Never Wrong
  •     Gratitude

    May you all ever dwell with Brahma and don't fall into low states rejecting the bases of right view.

       

    Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammā-sambuddhassa

    "Mother and father are said to be Brahma and an earlier god, Children should revere them, for the compassion of the populace The wise should revere and care for them, giving eatables, drinks Clothes, beds, massaging, bathing and washing their feet The wise enjoy attending on their mother and father And later enjoy heavenly bliss."


    A young Upasaka isuru shared an enlightening approach

    Quote from: Upasaka Isuru Gunawardana

    No matter how hard the parents abused you, don't try to do anything against. Only thing you can do is wishing them good(maithree).

    Specially if you pay them the aarya (noble) maithree it will do the best for you and them. And I've seen many people have get the successful results out of this.

    How you do it

    Daily 20-30 mins (if you can do more then do) think this to your self (close your eyes as it helps to concentrate more). You and your parents may attain Nivana (enlightment). Wish this so deeply. Add what ever the necessary facts like things they do good for you and in return you are wishing them Nivana. As Nivana is the only place anyone can get the ultimate happiness. So basically you are wishing them happiness, no matter the way you get treated.

    And as mentioned by Buddha if anyone kill a parent its going to be very bad karma (anantarya papa) that can't get escape. When someone eat poison with or without knowing that it is poison he is going to suffer. Like that the nature is dangerous no matter we know it or not it behaves the way as it supposed to be. So only thing we can be happy about is Nivana. That's why wishing that (the best thing in this universe) to someone who treat you bad will return you good things.

    With Metta!

    Quote from: Johann
    Such would be the mindset of a real son, daughter, of the Buddha, Sakyan putta, after hearing the true Dhamma . Sadhu! Upasaka could add also the The Simile of the Saw to his answer, if wishing so.

    Anumodana punna kusala
« Last Edit: June 17, 2019, 09:12:04 AM by Johann »
This post and Content has come to be by Dhamma-Dana and so is given as it       Dhamma-Dana: Johann

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