Hello!
I have not come here and logged in for a longer time and feel a bad conscience for that.
So I want to explain my doubts.
Currently I suffer from something like
this for many weeks already and cannot concentrate on anything.
I do not know what to do here and think I do not belong to this place here anyway, not knowing how to (and maybe not wanting to) behave well, and do not want to participate anymore, or have really too many other things to care about.
Also I think this
Es ist Unsinn zu glauben, daß Sie irgend wo in der "realen" Welt in Kontakt mit der Savaka Sangha kommen und aufrecht erhalten können, wenn Sie es in der "virtuellen" (Taten) Welt nicht vermögen.
is true, and maybe generally not compatible with my life after all.
Anyway, I had some motivating ideas in between, but not enough energy. I think it might be too complicated to coordinate anything useful.
1. I had written to the Greensta managers because of server problems here (e-mail and server responsiveness), as mentioned here (regarding email) recently by Norum. (Copy also sent to a Sophorn, not sure if she received it, because of the server problems here.)
1.1 I also thought it would be good to be able installing OctoberCMS here, which is a system that I understand, that could be helpful to rebuild Norum's website, so one could build a test version for that here on the sangham server. This is something I think I know how to do and would be good and motivating for me.
1.2 I had since longer time the wish to build the site for zugangzureinsicht.org/accesstoinsight.eu new from scratch, with OctoberCMS, so it could be much easier to manage and update. This is something I think I know how to do and would be good and motivating for me as well.
But the server currently has a too old PHP version for that.
So I asked Greensta for the possibility about that as well.
They told me, the current server for sangham.net is old, and they could migrate the site to another server with newer software (newer PHP version, different admin panel, some new things to get used to), which could hopefully solve all the mentioned problems (strange email problems, and server unresponsiveness, as well as new enough PHP version to install OctoberCMS for managing websites), since old servers like this should be taken out of order in the near future anyway.
I would only have to coordinate with
Sophorn and have her give confirmation that this migration should be done. I don't know exactly how long it would take. It might be the site could be offline for one day or something, I hope not longer. One could choose the right date for this to do everything necessary. The Greensta employee also told me it would be possible to do it first on a test server, while keeping everythng on the old server intact, so one could hopefully avoid problems like that which on Norum's website happened with their server migration.
So with the possibility of first making a test server with the new infrastructure, as told by the Greensta, I think there would not be any real danger, regarding the server migration. I think I should write an email to
Sophorn to ask her for giving confirmation to the Greensta managers. But maybe she is busy now with soon coming Vesak.
I also thought it might be good maybe, if
Norum could give me all the passwords necessary for chhouk-krohom.de, so I could find out maybe what the problem there is. I think if I look long enough, maybe I could find out. But maybe that is not so much a problem, and the old database is still safe in its old state after all and one could simply leave it like that and not touch it.
But one could also for example see to put it all together on the sangham server and just build the whole site new there (as I suggested above, with OctoberCMS, which I like and think it is a good system) in a subdomain, and then, for example simply redirect.
I would like to do all that, but I only have some little doubt regarding
living in a world of promises , and what if this or that fails and does not work, and I have so much work to do that I do not do properly anyway. And what if anything fails, and does not work in the end.
I do not know how to manage my own life even,
installing awaiting the restoration of unsequenced chaos .
The last days I had lots of time, but I have spent that all only doubting and hesitating. And now the coming days and weeks I have actually not so much. I have to coordinate with others for my programming job, and help to really get some things done there, which has not been really possible since
that , but also to step in at the moment from now on again more often for my pizza driver job. And in between I have to deal with family problems and worries all the time, trying hoping to convince my father mostly that my life is going well and successful, while it is not really so much. So I cannot really manage to be in good contact with a sangha, hoping to prepare something really useful here, in a respectful and non-careless way, maybe, I think. I have too many worries and cannot manage my own life.
So this is here to make public my doubts, and not finalized and cleaned in any way. I hope I am not disturbing anyone with it. And will now after too much hesitation just put it here, listening for once to this
good advice .
I do not want to translate this to German.
May the sangha forgive me for all I have not done here out of carelessness.
May all be at peace.